20 Years

December 21 was a special day. Since I wasn't in school, dates weren't so very important and I didn't think much about this one -- didn't really even realize it was the 21st, or contemplate why it was special. Lucky for me someone did. I knew Shane had something up his sleeve. He was adamant that we had to be in Georgia by a certain time on the 21st -- not a little challenging, by the way, finishing school, working in Nights of a Thousand Candles and picking up niece and nephews for traveling with us. And not only that, but I was a little anxious as I had discovered that whatever he had planned involved me and formal wear. Thankfully, he did finally concede and show me the dress he had purchased earlier for me; allowed me to try it on and make sure it fit and that I had all the proper embellishments, etc. It was beautiful --mid-calf length, deep garnet with cut glass black buttons all the way down the front; shirt collared at the neck, and with a wide fabric sash. Black hose, black dress shoes and a shimmery black wrap completed the ensemble. I never did catch on to what he was doing, but when we got to his parents, dropped off the niece and nephews, visited with the in-laws; then had to get dressed and run. We had quiet romantic Christmas music playing in our Dodge Durango as we drove to Atlanta (Kenny G, Jim Brickman, etc.). We held hands and talked quietly, with nothing said about what we were doing (Not that a million different things haven't crossed my mind -- Michael Buble in concert, Riverdance, Nutcracker, a Broadway style show. . . . )But when we turned the corner in Atlanta, and I saw the Shane Co. sign, it all became ever-so-clear. I realized when it was and where we were and why we were where we were. Twenty years ago to the day, Shane asked me to marry him -- with a diamond ring from the Shane Company, a wonderful jewelry specialist in Georgia. We were here to celebrate a twentieth anniversary. He whisked me inside, had them clean my rings, told them why we were there and asked to look at some diamond earrings he had first looked at on-line. They were 1/3 carat, and he purchased them for me right there, and I was able to wear them out of the store. Everyone was so sweet and impressed with our twenty-year celebration. The diamonds were beautiful -- the 1/3 carat was significant. My engagement ring is 1/3. A couple of anniversaries later, Shane bought me an anniversary ring which was 1/3 carat, so now, with my earrings, my carat is complete. But the evening was not done. From there, he took me to the restaurant where he proposed. It has since changed hands, but the building remains. 20 years ago, it was the Lark and the Dove. Now it is Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. He had made reservations months ago. Everyone called us by name, and it was a lovely evening. I felt decadent dressed in the beautiful dress he had bought me (which fit perfectly, by the way). The food was expensive, but absolutely delicious! We held hands often, and after we finished our dinner, our waitress brought out a heavenly mile-high chocolate mousse pie with a candle in it, which we shared. The evening was full of reminiscences of earlier evenings together-- and the romance, which sometimes flickers dimmer than once-upon-a-time shone as brightly as that single candle. We laughed, smiled, looked at Christmas lights and remembered how we began and how far we've come. What an evening!

Night of a Thousand Candles 2008

So every year brings something new and unexpected at Nights of a Thousand Candles.  This year was no exception.  Our holiday season gets more and more crowded with activity, but this is one I just cannot let go.   It is just too precious.  Last year, it rained, and there were soggy bags.   The year before that it was freezing cold.  This year, it was unseasonably warm -- almost muggy.  Lots of visitors were there in shorts, short sleeves, etc.  For me, personally, it makes it a little harder to be festive, but, oh, well. . . .The environment was no less engaging, and you just can't control the weather.  This year, soggy bags were replaced by plastic ones.  Now, I don't mean to wax sentimental or old-fashioned, but there's just something not quite right about luminary bags made out of plastic.  My husband laughed at me because he perceives that I complained about the soggy bags, and now I complain about the plastic bags because they can't get soggy.  I TRIED to explain to him that it was not the sogginess, but the ability to be soggy that was endearing.  He doesn't really understand.  It may be a man thing or perhaps I am just incredibly fickle, indecisive, and hard to please.  Which might make it a woman thing :~0

At any rate, it was another beautiful evening.  There's never enough time to enjoy all the music, but it was a pleasant surprise to walk past the bagpiper along the candlelit paths this year.  And while I didn't enjoy the warmer temperatures, I thought the nude sculptures in the garden were probably not as uncomfortable as in years past.  We especially enjoyed Vocal Edition (as always -- they are standbys!)  and a new group -- a brass quintet (Market St Brass?)  They were incredibly adept and fun to listen to.  The "leader" and first trumpeter lived up to trumpets' reputation for being a little full of himself, but all in good fun, and they were GREAT to listen to! My hearing of the Biblical account of the Christmas story will forever be colored by the Gullah version we heard, which was wonderful!  We ended the evening, as we regularly do, with Rocky Fretz and his bassist, Patrick O'Leary.  It just seems a fitting end.  Rocky always manages to make us feel like his friends -- sharing little tidbits of his life (this year, it was his 50th birthday jumping-out-of-airplanes story. . . check it out on YouTube.)  But most of all, it's the evident friendship and mutual appreciation between him and Patrick and the sheer joy they glean from doing what they're doing.  It must be a nice way to make a living -- hanging with a friend and playing music you love.  One thing is for sure, it is hard to sit in his audience and not smile and be filled with joy -- at Christmastime or anytime.  And if there's one thing the world could use more of, it's joy!   And, if there's one Christmas venue I am thankful for, it is Nights of a Thousand Candles, and whether the candles be real fire or not, white or colored, and the bags paper or plastic, I hope the candles continue to burn and that we're able to share the joy it brings with others for MANY years to come!

The Bridge

This was the entry that finally won out to be my submission for the NCRA Young Author's project.
New note (2/09/09) My poem won at the state level as well and will be included in the Young Author's project 2009 compilation book! Thanks to all who voted and helped me choose!

The Bridge
Standing on the bridge,
I am 11, exploring a new neighborhood
With my family:
The pond, the woods, the neighbors,
Staring off one side to the deep water,
Dark and foreboding
To the other side,
A simple waterfall,
Splashing down to rocks below.

Standing on the bridge,
I am 12, adventuring
With my brother:
Bologna sandwiches in hand,
Stepping across gaping holes,
Wicked and empty
To find the perfect spot
For a picnic, a picture, a quest,
Talking about everything and nothing

Standing on the bridge,
I am 14, going fishing
With Grandmama,
Digging worms, Baiting hooks,
Watching bobbers disappear
Fading into the oblivion of the pond
Until we slowly pulled up
A catfish, bass, or perch,
Quietly enjoying the peace.

Standing on the bridge,
I am 16, trying to impress
Matt and Wayne,
Maneuvering the idiosyncracies
Of the familiar bridge,
Hoping my bravery and daring
Will be appreciated
And true love
Will be mine

Standing on the bridge,
I am 18, loving and in love
With Steven,
Celebrating my birthday –
Kisses, pictures, friends, and brother
Waiting to enter the adventure
Of adulthood
And independence
Forever

Standing on the bridge,
I am 41, remembering
With my husband,
Recalling old memories
Of old boyfriends, childhood adventures
Fishes caught and ones that got away,
Moments of relaxation
And peace-- And love
And bridges.

Tonnye Williams Fletcher
Union Chapel Elementary School
Forever Young
Robeson County

Friendbridges

(This was one of two entries I wrote for the NCRA's Young Author Project)

Friendbridges

I am a bridge builder. I don’t use lumber and nails and hammers and drills. I don’t fashion my bridges from metal, wood, concrete, or steel. I build bridges between people – they’re called friendships, (though perhaps they should be called friendbridges instead. . . .) The best friendbridge I’ve ever built began over 30 years ago. I was in fourth grade, and met a girl named Rachel. I don’t remember our first words or how the friendbridge began exactly. What I do know is that pretty soon we were sharing everything – string games (“Show me again how to do Jacob’s Ladder. . .), French fries, popsicles (Those were the days of the doubles and we’d each break ours in half and have half grape/half orange.),and favorite books (at the time, dog books, horse books and Nancy Drew books). Once, our teacher even caught us sharing a lollipop (although she discouraged that). It was a good year for friendbridges.
Fifth and sixth grade saw us separated into different classes, but by seventh grade we were together again: sharing pizza, crushes on boys, and school projects. She was my best friend when I had mono, when my baby sister was born. Eighth grade we shared the responsibility of putting up the flag every morning, giggles and class conversations that sometimes got us into trouble. Friendbridges grow by sharing.
High school brought more incredible experiences and memories; getting drivers’ licenses, proms, football games. We were very different – I was a trumpeter in the band; she was on the annual staff. I was wide open, with wild abandon; she was cautious, soft-spoken and shy. Yet, we still found things to share. Participation in drama club brought us memories that would last a lifetime – including a week-long trip to New York City, where we even shared getting lost. (I wonder if that mounted policeman still talks about those two southern girls who were trying to find “Forty-eighth and eighth”. . . .) There was boy trouble and family trouble. There were rocky times in our lives and in our friendship, but we discovered that friendbridges grow stronger by weathering adversity.
Now, Rachel and I are “all grown-up”. We are still incredibly different. I am colorful and eccentric, chunky and loud. Rachel is thin, still soft-spoken, and very normal. I am a teacher --she is a mom. I’ve lived in three states and love to travel – Rachel loves to stay home. Every time I’m with her, I learn something new about her. She has taught me so much about learning to see beauty in simplicity, using strength that comes from deep within, the joy of giving and the grace in receiving, and so much more. We live five hours from each other, so now our sharing is often done via email and cell phones, although we visit in person at least twice a year. After thirty-plus years together, we have learned that friendbridges grow longer and stronger with time.

Meditation on holidays and death
How would our Thanksgiving be different if we knew it was our last one all together? Would we have said a longer prayer? Would we have hugged each other even though we live across the field from each other? Would we have gone around the table, saying nice things about each other and how thankful we are to have each other? Would we recount memories of past Thanksgivings, and people we loved who are no longer with us? Would we have spent less time rushing and more time just being together? Would we have been more patient? Would we have cried together? Laughed more? Watched old family movies? Read the Bible? Held hands? The thoughts of it being our last are truly unthinkable with the assumed promise of so many more to come. And yet, startlingly, I have been smacked in the face with the possibility recently that, truly, this one could have been our last. And how should that change how we celebrate? For some, this was their last. Unexpectedly, unwarranted, came death, and stole a part of some families – right here between Thanksgiving and Christmas. How will their Christmas change this year? Will it be overwhelmingly sad or will they find a joy to press on through and live this Christmas in such a way that they will have absolutely no regrets, in case this might also be their last Christmas together. I pray that somehow we will all learn how to live so in the present that when death comes we will have no regrets.

For Larry

We lost someone who used to be a dear friend to our family this week. Our families have grown apart in recent years, but I still have very fond memories of early times together. My prayers are constant for this precious family.

For Larry
I think of presents, already bought, maybe already under the tree,
With your name on them --
And Christmas morning without you in your home.
I think of grandchildren who will never know their grandfather,
Probably have no memories whatsoever.
I think of a wife whose grief must be absolutely inconsolable,
And pray this experience will turn into an exercise in gratitude
And living in the moment
Rather than carrying grief and anger that are way too heavy for her heart.
I think of children who are too young to lose their father
(Is there ever an age when you’re not too young to give up your daddy?)
I think of your pew at church and the empty spot you will leave;
I think of a few Sundays ago, when we sang all the songs
You used to lead and we called it Larry Sunday.
I remember when you and Bonnie were dating,
Then married,
I remember when Rex was born.
I remember ya’ll trying repeatedly for a girl, and finally getting one.
I remember yard conversations after church
It seems so numbly unbelievable that you could be gone.
Moreso I’m sure to your family, who loves you so much.
I am saddened by how our families grew apart,
But I harbor no ill will for you or yours.
My prayers are for your family right now,
How I hope they will cherish the time you had together,
That they will remember the good times,
That they will channel the sadness of losing someone in the middle of Christmas
Into happy memories of Christmases past. . . .
And hope for happy Christmases to come.

Sentence Strips and Jingle Dancers

So today was one of the most chaotic school days of the year. First of all it's the last day before Thanksgiving holiday. . . can we say wound tighter than a yo-yo?? That would be my children right now. . . Also, we had a field trip today -- there was money to get situated, children who weren't going on the trip, but needed a place to stay and stuff to deal with before we could leave. . . .the field trip was to the university to see a Christmas musical revue pretty much. . .it was great, but didn't do anything to calm the children :~) When we got back, we rushed right into lunch, back to the room for just a few, then we had to be at the gym for our annual king/queen day (read here a fundraiser where everyone and their brother, sister, grandma. .. .buys tons of tickets for a $ each then we have a bajillion drawings for things staff have donated so they can win things. . .then the boy and the girl who sold the most tickets in each class become the prince/princess (PK-2) and the king/queen (3-6). ) I was feeling pretty proud that I had gotten all the necessary pieces into the puzzle today, when I had a student get sick at lunch, called her mom, then took her to the office on the way to the gym to let them know someone was coming for her. My balloon of pride was quickly deflated (read here pricked with a pin and zooming all around the room) as I saw another teacher with "crowns" in her hand. . . ."Oh, SNAP!" It quite suddenly dawned on me (read here crashed down upon my head with great force!) that I should have prepared 3 crowns (since my twins were tied for my princess. . . .) Usually I pick some up at Burger King and I paint them or cover up the BK logo and decorate them . . . But not today -- since my children are already in the gym and the program has begun. . .so I dash back to the room, asking everyone along the way, "Do you have any extra crowns?" No, no, no. . . so I get to the classroom, thinking frantically how I'm going to make 3 crowns in less than 3 minutes. I grabbed 3 sentence strips from my cabinet. . . .folded them, cut scallops from the top of each. . .Then I covered each one with aluminum foil (which I only had because last week's chaos was the Native American decorate-the-door contest, for which we made a jingle dancer, for which we made jingles out of aluminum foil, and btw, there was only just barely enough aluminum foil left to cover the 3 crowns I had to make. I stuck a roll of tape in my pocket to attach their crowns, took off back to the gym, sat through the hour and a half long program with 25 restless children, brought them back to the room, helped them pack up, choose books for the long break, write down AR scores, and clean up their trash. Finally, the bell rang (thankfully) but oh, did I mention I had the last meeting of my writers' group for the young author contest until 4:15, which turned into 5:15 until I could get them basically done. . . This is one day I'm happy to have behind me for another year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Dark Knight

Halloween night, Shane and I went to see The Dark Knight, and I must say it was aptly named. We did not see the 3D version, which Shane was glad about (since his surgery, the 3D stuff bothers him a bit). We did, however, see it at an IMAX theatre, so it was HUGE. . . and with surround sound, it certainly made you feel like you were right there. I thought Heath Ledger's performance was certainly dark, and I guess appropriate, but I found it very sad, overall. For one thing, there's the whole "this-was-his-last-movie" thing. That is sad enough, but the movie was sad throughout -- a little pessimistic for me. Well-done, but very pessimistic. The main quote that seemed to encapsulate the theme is proof-positive: "You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." And, indeed, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Me, I prefer my caped crusaders with a more positive bent. Pretty good choice for a Halloween flick for those of us who don't like slasher films. . . .

Halloween Fun

Last night was Halloween. It was an occassion to reminisce over past Halloweens -- and to experience some new things. We found ourselves at Myrtle Beach for the day, and the evening. It was a new experience. Previous Halloweens have found us at parties for church or celebrating quietly at home. We're not big horror movie fans, so it was touch'n'go for a while to find something interesting to do for the big night. As we wandered around, we checked out the movie theatres to see if there was a good movie that wasn't too scary. . .we found ourselves at Broadway at the Beach. Suddenly, we were spectators for an unparallelled Halloween parade. As it turns out, Broadway invited trick-or-treaters to tour the shopping center for safe trick-or-treating. So, we encountered vampires, Hannah Montana, hobos, Bat Man, Spider Man, witches and ghosts of every shape and size, Dorothy, scarecrows, Harry Potter, and all manner of ghastly creatures. . .We even saw the Mario Brothers, complete with mustaches, overalls and over-sized yellow buttons -- how cute! The theatre was giving away free popcorn to the little monsters and some were riding the rides at Pavilion Nostalgia park. One poor little guy was trudging along, dragging his jack o'lantern...bless his heart. It was great fun just to watch them all traipsing along. -- some were very excited, others were just being drug along by parents -- some were living a dream, and others were living their parents' dream for them. Actually from the looks of some of the older trick-or-treaters -- they were living a nightmare! It was fun to watch them all -- Shane and I were talking about the tradition of trick-or-treating and how it has changed over the years. Interesting how it has evolved. . . fear and hidden dangers have prompted these new forms of trick-or-treating, and I think it is really great that we find ways to save the tradition. I know some Christians have a problem with it, but to me, if anything, for Christians it says, "We do not have to live in fear of you, Satan, or your servants. We're going to turn what you mean for our fear into fun and fellowship -- so there! And so I am really happy that church groups and school groups have started activities like trunk or treat or fall festivals or this safe shopping center trick-or-treating -- where kids still get to dress up and get treats -- it's not so much about the candy; OK, maybe for the kids it really is about the candy right now, but in retrospect it's not -- it's the mystery, the fun, the dressing up, not knowing what someone is going to place in the bucket. . .the chill in the air, the smell of all the candies mingling sweet and tangy and fruity and chocolate and peanut butter, the excitement!. And does it teach them anything bad?? -- I think not, except maybe a little childish greed. I think the bigger lesson that children could learn from Halloween is not to fear, and obviously God thought that was an important lesson, because James tells us "perfect love casts out fear". We have nothing to fear. . .so keep the Halloween fun coming!

A Silly Story about a Bald Frog who Wanted a Wig

One day a young frog sat staring at his reflection in the pond. He realized his lack of hair as his friends went by one after another: Beaver, Bear, Deer, even Jumping Spider had lovely hair. . .but none for poor frog. He went to visit the wise one of the pond, Grandfather Catfish. Grandfather told him he was not meant to have hair, but Frog was determined to find hair for himself. He began asking his friends if they would donate hair for his cause. No one agreed, saying that a frog had no need of hair. Finally the rabbit agreed to share her hair, as it was beautiful and brown and she had a kind heart, and a soft spot for Frog. Frog went to his friend Spider and asked her to use Rabbit's hair to create a wig for him She used her weaving and spinning skills to create a handsome wig for the frog. Everyone thought it was quite silly, but no one wanted to hurt Frog's feelings, so they didn't say anything. But to each other, they began using an expression, "Fine as Frog's Hair!" whenever something was terribly silly. And we still use the expression to this day!

Lancelot, the Coward

OK, so either history/legend/folklore is sadly mistaken, or my cat is seriously mis-named. Our friend, Randy came to visit today. As he came into the house, Lancelot did a swervy-dervy little dance, sported a look of sheer terror, coupled with panic, and finally simply turned tail and ran. Where is the knightly courage? Where the desire for a quest? Where defending the honor of those incapable of defending themselves? Nay, kind sir -- this Lancelot doth push his shovel mouth across the feline bowl to satisfy his own belly, quake in fear at the least loud noise, startle easily at the sight of anything the least unsettling, and run from any situation requiring courage so hard and so fast that his feet slide right out from under him. . . .I pray we have mis-named him. I prefer to keep my image of Lancelot, passionate, bold, courageous, chivalrous. . . and somehow none of those can I apply to my own Lancelot, save perhaps passionate in the area of his catfood or when you choose to rub the top of his head. Passion is certainly the only thing my Lance has in common with the legend.

Perhaps Henry Louis Mencken was right after all when he said, "Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.”

Fletcher update

Hello Friends and Family, If any of you have missed out on our recent chaos, know this -- we are looking toward adopting some family set of children (siblings) who would like to stay together -- not a specific set -- just that that is what it has been in our hearts to do for quite some time.  It is still early in the process, and we have some major hurdles, the biggest one being this delightful old house in which we live.  We have stepped up the renovations in hopes of being ready for a home visit as soon as possible.  We have had some incredible help.  This is the latest update, but if you feel lost or would like to know more about our process, I would refer you to my blog:  tonnyef@blogspot.com  There is probably more information there than you really want to know. . .:~)   So, the latest installment is this: The weather has interfered with our finishing the painting project we began almost 2 months ago. . . Approximately 1/2 of the house has 2 coats -- a couple of areas don't even have primer yet. . . .The front porch and trim has not really been touched. . . We have turned in our paperwork, so we are trying to get the house ready for her to look at as soon as possible (we're hoping for January, but that might be unrealistic :~\).    Last weekend, Shane and I worked upstairs all day Saturday.  We filled 2 large trash cans, bagged up several more huge bags of trash, took 4 boxes of books to the Book Exchange, took a truckload of yardsaleables to my aunt. . . .and slowly but surely the upstairs is beginning to look like an upstairs, as opposed to simply storage. . . .but that is only the beginning of what we need to do. . . .By the time we finished Saturday night, we had the front room almost ready to tackle.   Friday we went to a tile store in Raleigh-Durham and Shanda is bringing a sheet of tiles for us to look at for the upstairs bathroom.  We spent a while in there making some decisions.  It was a step. . . .   While I was in Durham, my friend Rachel called and said that her husband Randy was going to be in town for the weekend, and he wanted to come give us a hand on the house.  We also enlisted the help of Shane's brother Randy.  So the 3 guys worked in the front room today.  (Shane finished getting stuff out this morning and took trash to the Dump.) We have a closet framed out in that bedroom now, along with some other framing to make the sheetrock work easier (that's the next step.)  Part of the insulation is in, as are the ventilating baffles.  Randy F. was here till just after 4 working and Randy S. didn't leave until 5:00.  He's hoping to come back tomorrow morning and help with insulation and sheetrock (as far as they can get in the time available.)  In fact, maybe we'll have our worship time up here -- maybe Daddy could give them a hand before and/or after devotional. . .   What a blessing it has been to have all the wonderful friends and family to help out that we've had during this process.  Several others have volunteered to come and help with various components. . . .so the progress is beginning to be seen.   Thanks to all the incredible people in our lives.  Thanks to all who have come and helped, donated materials, time, and those who couldn't come but have prayed and been with us in thought.  You are all wonderful and we are blessed to have you in our world.   With love, Tonnye "Remember where you have been and know where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way." Nikita Koloff

Potential Adoptive Parent's Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the desire you have placed in our hearts to give a home to some of your children. Thank you for the beautiful home that you are helping us to create, and may it be a haven of love and comfort to the children you share with us. Father, if this is not your will, and if we will not do it well, then please use your power to stop it now. We do not wish to cause harm. We wish to bring peace. If we have the strength within us to be the kind of parents needed for someone out there, then please use your power to bring us together. Help us find the right children, Lord -- the ones we can touch and raise and share your love with. The ones we can meld and mold; the ones you have saved from an unimaginable life to a life everyone dreams of -- life with a family who loves and supports you unconditionally. Holy God, give us strength to do the things that need doing to make our life safe and nurturing for the children you have planned for us. Keep our hearts pure so that all the honor and glory for this incredible blessing goes to you. Give us patience, Father, and help us be the kind of parents you are to us. Help us be strong, consistent, supportive, loving. Help us be wise, comforting, nurturing. Help us to discipline them in ways that will benefit them the most. Help us teach them all the things that matter. Help us always to hold up Your light as the one they need. Help it shine brightly Father, through all the chaos they have known so far. Be with our children, who are waiting, somewhere, for parents like us. And Father, though I recognize it may take many hard days and weeks and months and years, I pray that you knit us together as a family -- with bonds that can never be broken. Give us strength and grace and forgiveness when we make mistakes and help us to admit them and move forward with a better tomorrow than today. Bless their hearts, Father God and keep them fertile and fresh and soft and malleable. Plant the seed of your love in their hearts, and help us to water and fertilize and cultivate and give these children back to you one day as hearty vines bearing fruit for you. And help us realize that every good and perfect gift comes from you -- and to be thankful for that gift even on the hard days. Be with all those who will touch our application and visit our home and help us choose children that are right for our family. Guide them with your wisdom and give them your spirit to help things work out for the good of all. And Father, if it is not in your will for us to be parents, then please give us the strength to bear the sadness and to continue to love all the children you place in our path without murmuring or complaining. Your will be served, and help us to always honor you with our mouths, our deeds, and our lives. Bless the waiting children, bless our waiting hearts.

Through Jesus' power,
Amen

Adoption. . . .the long and winding road

This summer we went to visit social services to find out information about adoption. We had an interesting meeting with the social worker, who gave us an application packet and a list of stuff to gather.

Two months later (and a ton of time talking about, "What exactly was your happiest/saddest childhood memory? " What was the happiest/saddest moment in our marriage?" "How much are we willing to deal with in the way of physical/mental/emotional/behavioral disabilities? What ages are we willing to accept?? It's not a little like going shopping at a clothing store (not to be offensive, but. . .) There are so many things to decide, so many decisions to make. It can be a bit overwhelming. Do you listen to your heart or to your head? Do you totally sacrifice who you are and have been together for 19 years to become someone totally different? And how does that even work? We've been together. . . alone. . . .19 years. . . .how that will change is not even capable of being put into words!!!!!!!!!! Scared? yes. . . .Excited? Definitely. . . .Nervous? More than I can say . . . . Overwhelmed? Most assuredly. Committed? 100%! Still scared? Uh-huh!!

So Friday we meet the social worker again. And the next step after that is the home visit. Now the panic really begins. . . .we have much to do and time is of the essence -- please pray that we can get enough done that she can see that we can make a wonderful home for some children, and then to give us the wisdom to choose rightly for our sake and the children's sake!

Things That Mattered Today (a blog-lift from Katherine -- my own take)

~Shania's smile when I told her how proud I was when she came in and did her work without jumping up and down like a jack-in-the-box -- that smile would stop traffic, and often stops my heart!
~The quiet time in the car -- a rare commodity these days -- nice to have some time to listen to the quiet, pray, enjoy music without conversation (Not that I don't love commutes with Shane, but it's nice to be alone sometimes, too. . . .)
~The time with friends over a good Mexican meal -- sharing good news, classroom frustrations, laughing, just being together -- how I miss that!
~Jolena stopping by my room just to say hi --she was my assistant for 2 years, and now she and I are both working with someone new. . . she was a good friend, and it's hard to maintain the friendship with busy work . . . .
~Tabitha telling me that she's tried some of my strategies for the classroom -- and they worked!
~Being with my ADK sisters and making plans and sharing concerns
~The devotional thought I shared with my ADK sisters about struggles and change
~The song knocking on the door of my mind on the way home -- inspired by the devotional thought I shared with the ADK sisters
~The idea that I can still be creative when I have time to be quiet and still
~The excitement in my classroom today over their own share of "pirate treasure"
~The look on Thomas' face when I introduced him to "Mr. Fletcher"
~The card we signed for Angie, struggling with cancer
~The email from my college roommate with a family concern
~Stopping in the back parking lot at the library and reminiscing about my 3 years there -- good years, good people, nice job, wonderful experience


Yes, life is full of its own reminders that it is good. Reflection is good for the soul -- it reminds us of the positives in our life and motivates us to work out the negatives. . . .Looking forward to what matters tomorrow!

My Prayer as a Teacher

Dear Father,

Thank you for the opportunity to touch young lives daily. Father, help me to touch their hearts and lives in the way you'd want me to. Help me to show them the lighter, brighter side of education. Give me patience, dear Lord, to understand them and to reach them without hurting them. Bless me with wisdom to make the right decisions to positively impact their lives. Father, help me remember that in the midst of curriculum and schedules and all sorts of necessary evils, that I have been blessed with 26 of your most precious children -- even when they don't act precious, and even when 26 feels like 126. Help me treat them with the love and respect to which they are entitled, because they are yours. At the same time, Father, give me the wisdom to know when to push them to achieve more. I never want to let them get by with little -- help me encourage them to achieve much. Help me remember to laugh and stretch with them, to play them music and sing with them, to give them time to talk and draw and play, while challenging them to read, write, listen, think, problem-solve, do math, observe, question, reflect. . . . Help me know when I am expecting too much and when I am not expecting enough, and to fix it. Father, please strengthen me with your Spirit to shine your light as I strive to do my job. Help me to remember this calling came from You, and that it is You I represent. Lord, please forgive me when I fall short of my calling -- lift me up and help me do a better job every day than the day before. And Lord, one day in the future, if I see my former students in a new setting, if they do not remember me, I hope at least they will remember the lessons of life I taught them. Help me to remember that it is life I am preparing them for -- not a test -- and to teach them accordingly. Give me the strength to stand up against the system when it is not in the best interest of my students, and to realize my own weaknesses as an educator and seek to better myself constantly. Father, rid my Spirit of the human nature of competition and peer pressure and to allow Your Spirit to fill me completely.

Father, bless my students and help them to learn to listen and learn and practice and grow. Help them to be successful and to understand, so that they are ready for all the challenges that come with 3rd grade. . . .middle school. . . .high school. . . college. . . .life. Keep them safe, and put your protective arms around them. Help them know how much I love them, if not today, then one day in the future.

Bless our school and help it grow in its challenge to educate all our students and prepare them for life. Bless our administrators -- help them lead us wisely and make positive decisions for staff and students alike.

Through the name of Jesus, Amen.

Blast from the Past

Last week, I was at a local store. A nice young man checked us out, and surprised me by asking my name. . . I replied, "Tonnye" -- then he said, "Are you Mrs. Fletcher??" I said (hesitantly, uncertain why he was asking, and in this way. . . .), "Yes. . . ." He smiled and shook his head, and said, "I had you in third grade. . . ." Sure enough, as I glanced at his name tag "Aaron _______", and I said, "Oh, my word, Aaron -- I never would have recognized you! Goodness, but you have grown-up since third grade. . . " and, indeed, he has -- he is a very nice, very handsome young man. He's obviously doing very well -- is a senior this year, graduation looming in his future. When I asked if he was excited, he said, "Yes, and nervous". I also asked about his post-graduation plans. He hopes to major in Criminal justice and graphic design. Not surprising. He was one of the nicest young men I've ever had the pleasure to teach. How nice it was to see him, and know he's doing well, and that he remembers me -- and let me know. Hope springs eternal that there are children out there who are what they are and who they are in part because of who I am and what I do.

It is shocking -- I found myself teary-eyed. . . .why, I'm not sure. All of my children from my first 2 years' teaching will be graduating this year. I was mentally aware of this fact, but to see one of them " all grown up" when I haven't seen him for years was surprising. I'm not sure how this works that they continually grow older, and I don't. . . .:~) I guess it's just the beginning. It was my first foray into this arena. I wish they would all be this positive. . . .I cringe thinking about seeing their names in the paper because they are in jail, or dead. . .and yet, I know it is probably inevitable. . . . I'm at least glad this first one was positive.

Blessings to you, Aaron. Good luck in your senior year and graduation and college and life. I hope third grade was a good year for you.

American Idol concert

The break from all the scraping, sanding, and painting was much needed, and much enjoyed. Shanda, Stephen, Shane, and I went to see the Idols on tour last night in Charlotte, NC. Dinner was kind of tricky, but we ended up eating at Soho -- a Chinese joint right near the arena. Our seats this time (We also went to see the year 2 Idols in Charlotte) were much better -- we were one level up, and enjoyed the relative closeness. It was a good crowd, though not a packed house. We were all excited -- it was an excellent group this year, and the concert was really incredible. Chickezie started off the night, as they counted down the top ten idols for 2008. When it came time for Intermission, they reminded us about Idol Gives Back and sang a song as an ensemble. Jason Castro began the second half, and the countdown continued all the way to Syesha, David A (or Archie, as some have affectionately called him), and of course David Cook. The show was well-done on everyone's part, and it was especially gratifying to see the two Davids in person. They are not only consummate performers, but both of them appear to be super nice people. I noticed David A stepping back to catch the hand of a young fan in a purple dress he had missed, and David Cook wishing a happy birthday to an audience member. All 10 Idols ended the night with, ironically, "Don't Stop the Music". . .. There was screaming, frenzy, music, handsome guys, and beautiful girls -- what's not to enjoy?!? I admit it -- I'm an Idol junkie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait for the next season to begin. . . . .

Night of a Thousand Soggy Bags
Note: I found this on Shane's computer where I had composed it in December. Thought it was worth including on my blog. I can't wait for this year's Night of a Thousand Candles!!!!!!
written December 15, 2007

The day was cloudy – a gray chilly day that one expects to see in December – and so it was – December 15. Ten days before Christmas. There was rain; much needed rain that showered a time of serious drought in our region. But also, Night of a Thousand Candles. . .always a heartwarming, festive occasion, replete with literally thousands of lights and candles across acres and acres of Brookgreen Gardens.
Brookgreen is a sculpture garden, so there are always plenty of folks there to greet you. The gentleman reading a newspaper on a bench often startles me when I realize he is only stone, after all. Among the other stone inhabitants are a group of children pledging to the flag, muses dancing about on the water, and the two founders, locked in a loving embrace. There are the nudes, whom I always pity when I’m perusing the gardens in the freezing temperatures of December. There are fairies and cherubs and animals, all silent audience to the visitors’ time in the garden. I wonder if they tire of the seasons of the garden –do they resent the constant intrusion into their domain?
Nonetheless, our annual visit to Night of a Thousand Candles is one of the highlights of the holiday season for my husband and me. This was our fifth year in attendance, if our arithmetic is correct (and our memories, which are even less likely to be in working order). We were ambiguous about going this time. It had rained off and on all day, and although it was less frigid than our former forays into the garden, we were unsure if it would be worth the time and money to go. Unwilling to forego the tradition, we braved the weather, umbrella in tow. Indeed the rain continued and ours was not the only open umbrella we saw for the evening.
As we entered the gates, electric lights greeted us with signs of hope for a festive evening after all. As we got closer, however, it became increasingly apparent that the crowds were slim and the candles were dark. Still, we trudged on, receiving our program and making our schedule of how to see and hear everything we hoped to. . .This is always the hard part – music spread throughout the gardens – not wanting to miss anything.
We began our evening hearing the ending of a set by Vocal Edition – a local choir who sing a traditional Victorian caroling set and a more contemporary Christmas set. We heard the latter half of their contemporary gig, which they obviously enjoyed, and so did we – although the benches designed for our comfort were soaking, sopping wet, so most of us stood, umbrellas sheltering us from the glad rain. The applause was sparse, as everyone’s hands were busy holding programs and umbrellas, but our hearts were clapping and rejoicing as they serenaded us with sounds of the season.
We stepped across the lawn to hear the flute choir. I’m reminded how I love the mix of music the event planners include. Even as a musician, I wasn’t aware there WAS such a thing as a bass flute – or an alto. . . .still, their ethereal sounds ushered us into moments of peace and tranquility. This was my first experience hearing a flute choir – an experience I hope I have the opportunity to repeat.
As we strolled the garden between sets, it was darkly obvious that the candles had all been doused by the glorious rain – a small price to pay for the needful precipitation, yet and still lacking the joyous festive atmosphere usually present. Occasionally we saw a lone solitary candle, making brave attempts to let his light shine. Several of these courageous beacons had burned a hole right through the bag as it had crumpled beneath the weight of the moisture. My husband stooped for each and straightened the bag, making it easier for the little candle, and I’m sure much more pleasant for the bag.
The evening brought further performances by Vocal Edition – their traditional Victorian set, all a cappella, is like taking a step back in time, complete with period costumes and music appropriate to the time. They made us laugh with their saga of Uncle John, and I, at least teared up with their amazing arrangement of “Mary Did You Know?” “Carol of the Bells” was a beautiful rendering of a traditional carol. Later, we caught the first half of their contemporary set, and found ourselves “having church” as they delivered a moving spiritual full of hallelujahs for the newborn king, born in a manger.
Another delight of the evening was a new (to us, at least) group called Grand Strand Harmony. This all-female group cut across all age barriers and, with their festive Christmas sweatshirts and Santa hats brought us full force into the Christmas spirit. Their barbershop harmonies and shining personalities were a joy! Particularly memorable were a winning arrangement of Jailhouse Rock (one of a couple of decidedly non-Christmas songs in their set) and fantastic versions of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and “Santa Baby” by a quartet within the larger group.
The mix of musical styles during Night of a Thousand Candles is one of the boons of the event. And while I truly missed the bagpiper and the gentleman who plays the Uillean pipes this year, we were still blessed by a thumb-harpist.
Not only are the lights a tremendous attraction, but there are two venues where you can explore inventive Christmas decorations. This year’s theme was the colors of Christmas and these colors and decorations certainly lifted my spirits and inspired my artistic side – a Christmas tree dotted with balls of yarn was a non-traditional twist. Textiles and fibers made a huge appearance in the decorations this year, including yarn-covered wreaths and dreamcatcher-esque circles woven of yarns. A pink tree woven with live orchids was certainly eye-popping as well, as was another tree beribboned, no holds barred with yards and yards of various shades of turquoise ribbons. A feast for the eyes, these!
We always try to end our evening with Rocky – Rocky Fretz that is. A regular at the Night of a Thousand Candles, his piano skills are unrivaled, and his arrangements have a freshness that is appealing. Perhaps even beyond his piano skills are his fantastic personality, his interactions with the audience, and his gracious attitude, as well as his silly sense of humor. What a treat he is! He lauded our die-hard attendance amidst the nasty weather (after telling us we were mental!) Later, as he was talking with this “record crowd” (There were maybe 50 of us in this huge tent. . . .), he was asking us what we had seen, and his bassist (Patrick O’Leary – another shining light in the evening!) remarked, “A thousand soggy bags!”
How true! I thought, but those bags are a testament – a testament to our need for venues like this, a testament to our need for music in our lives, a testament to our need to look at and hear beautiful things, a testament to the fact that all of us can appreciate good music, well-played, a testament to the tenacity of our American spirit, and most importantly, a testament to our desire to celebrate an event 2,000 years old that brought the world’s greatest light into our midst, a testament to his birth, his life, and his death, that allow us to come before Him in worship, and a testament to our American philosophy, which allows us the opportunity to gather for worship and celebration!
The candles may have been doused, and the bags may have been soggy, but our Christmas spirit was kindled. And while candles were in short supply, there was plenty of Light at last night’s “Night of a Thousand Candles.”

painting update, aug. 15

Today is Friday.  My dad has been here off and on this week.  We've had some rain, and that has set us back, along with the paint sprayer trouble.  We're still trying to get the sprayer going.  I drove to Wilmington today to get some parts that we hope is going to fix it.  Shane is working on it now.  Yesterday Shane and I got on the lift and got the first coat of lavender on the kitchen wall, and did some caulking and some first coat on the front dormer.  Shane almost finished the lavender on the front dormer today.  One side needs a second coat.  Then there's trim to do there.   Mama came up this morning and worked for a while on the sprayer, but to no avail. Daddy caulked a big part of the day (we are on our 3rd case of caulk for this project so far. . . .)  Our friend Janet came to help today for several hours.  She and I got first coat of lavender  on the bottom half of the corner where Grandmama's garden is.  She also finished to the top of the house where I had left off because I was too short :~)  How nice that height must be sometimes.  How nice to have tall friends :~) who are willing to donate a big part of their day off to help. . . .   Progress. . . I'd say 2/3 of the house has at least a first coat, most of the scraping is done -- there are a couple of sections left.  Ditto for the caulking.  Some areas have second coat, but no trim has been done. . . . .One thing for sure -- there's a lot more lavender showing now!!!!!!!!!    Tomorrow Randy and Marina are planning to come and help again, and Shanda and Stephen perhaps part of the day -- not sure if anyone else is coming, but the help just keeps filtering in.  Stephen's looking forward to actually "painting" if he helps tomorrow, since he did nothing but scrape last week! :~\   I'll continue with periodic updates -- lots of interruptions over the next week, but I'll let you know as progress happens.  Continue to keep us in your prayers.   Blessings, Tonnye

cell phones for soldiers

Shane and I just replaced our cell phones and I was looking for a worthwhile cause to donate them for recycling when I ran across this organization called cell phones for soldiers.  They sell the old cell phones to a recycling company and use the money to buy prepaid phone cards for soldiers serving overseas.  This effort would certainly touch our family -- and probably yours too.  The effort was begun by a 12 & 13 year old brother and sister in 2004.  If you have old cell phones laying around or when it comes time for your upgrade, check them out on this website.  www.cellphonesforsoldiers.com They have drop-off points all over, or you can mail it yourself or you could start a new drop-off point if your organization would be interested in helping.   Blessings, Tonnye

Bodie Lighthouse

Jeld-wen windows and doors holds a contest to choose a lighthouse that they help restore by replacing doors and windows.  This year's contest, Bodie Island lighthouse on the coast of NC is in the running.  Your vote could help them restore Bodie Island.  Here's the website if you'd like to vote for it -- or another worthy candidate. . . . http://www.jeld-wen.com/lighthouse   Pass on the word.   Blessings, Tonnye

Painting Update, aug 13

Yesterday (Tuesday) Andrew came to help again, and my dad.  I took the day to work on the inside and catch up on some housework that was really mounting.   We also did a run to town later in the day for some supplies we need to finish up (including 2 more boxes of caulk [in addition to the 2 boxes which are almost gone. . . .].)  Still Daddy got some siding replaced and tightened.  Shane and Andrew worked on the Eastern kitchen wall.  It is caulked and mostly primed now.  We also rented the lift for another week, as there is still too much high work for us to do without it.  Yesterday, however, the sprayer rebelled. . . .Shane fought with it off and on all day.  Finally when we got back from town, he grabbed a bucket of primer and a brush and went to the kitchen wall with that.   Last night the rain started -- and hasn't stopped yet -- it has rained ALL day.  We need the rain, but I wish we could have finished our painting first.  I have spent the day working on an article for our local newspaper which is due Sept. 1.  Shane has tried to work on his college class for the fall that he'll be teaching, but was having some "technial difficulties", so he's been out on the porch most of the day fighting with the sprayer.  Hopefully he'll get it up and running so that when it dries up (maybe tomorrow?????) we can get back to the painting.   The break feels nice, but I hope it doesn't set us back too far.  We're running out of time before school starts back, and we were hoping to be finished with this project, especially since there are so many more waiting. . . ..  Oh well -- we'll just continue working until it's done.  We've come a long way, thanks to all the help and prayers from our friends and family.   Blessings, Tonnye

Painting, Day five

Sorry no update last night -- here's the update for the last official day of the Painting Extravaganza. (Monday)   Shane and I began the work day alone.  I finished the first coat on the front porch and Shane worked on the South wall.   Our young friend Andrew called and said he would come work if I could go get him.  As I was leaving, Daddy was coming to help.  Dale showed up early afternoon and helped until dark.   We accomplished a good bit, although there were setbacks as always.  Shane, Dale, and Andrew ended up having to replace ALL the siding on the south side of the back dormer, so that took a big chunk of their day.   Andrew and I got first coat on the North end of the study almost to the top of the windows, and a little in Grandmama's Garden corner.  I caulked the rest of that corner yesterday up to the scaffolding.    Andrew also did some caulking up top, used the miter saw (with Shane's help and guidance, of course), and used the paint sprayer.   Altogether, the guys replaced the siding on the dormer, scraped, caulked and primed the dormer.  Daddy and Dale also did some other projects -- replacing other bad siding boards, tightening up some, caulking, scraping, etc.    At the end of the day, Mama cooked supper for us at her house and so we all trickled in up there -- we took Andrew home at 9:30, and he's offered to come help again today.  Mama even cleaned up after supper, too.  Bless her heart -- that was a big help!  My family has been absolutely incredible during this process. How blessed we are!   Thanks again to everyone who helped and everyone who prayed.  Please don't stop praying, because while this process is maybe half over, the adoption process is just beginning.  Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.   Even though the extravaganza is over, I'll continue updates as we get more done.  Toodles.

Painting, Day four

Today was Sunday, and our work continued.   Shanda and Stephen and my dad came up in time for breakfast, and then we all got to work.  Stephen has been such a trooper -- he has scraped for 4 days straight, and never complained!!!!!!!!!  It is thankless work, but so important and we appreciate his contribution to this process so much.  He has also done intermittent jobs, but his big job all week was scraping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Shanda has handled the kitchen ably this week, and been an excellent photojournalist for us as well as a runner for whatever anyone needed. Shanda also potted some planters for us, which I haven't even seen.  I can't wait to see what they look like, and I can't wait til they have a beautifully painted house to complement.  Today, sadly, was their last day with us.They headed back to Durham this afternoon.   Daddy has worked like a trooper all week, even though there are a million things at his place that need his attention.  His sacrifice is well-noted and appreciated.  He has been an awesome jack of all trades and his advice has been invaluable.  (and he's planning to come back tomorrow :~)   Randy Spruill surprised us by showing up again this morning.  He filled in a problematic corner for us, bringing some "magic supplies :~)"  and helped do some priming, before he left to get the family and travel back to Kitty Hawk.  What a blessing he and his family have been the last two days.   Mama came around 10:00 and she and I worked to finish getting a first coat on the porch.I'm so glad she's feeling well enough to help.  She and I made a great team today!   Dale (my brother) came up just as we were getting ready for worship. We stopped at 11:30, had a devotional time and communion -- sang a lot of songs about sunshine since the weather was threatening storms.  It was nice to be together.  Mama and Shanda finished out our lunch of chicken/rice/green beans, and we lunched just after our devotional time.    Then back to work.  Dale primed, Daddy did a little of everything, Shane worked on the South wall, which has been the monster project of this process!  Mama and I continued working on painting the porch walls, including touching up some scraping, caulking, etc.  Dale taped off some items that DON'T need painting and primed until he had to go to work this afternoon.  He's planning to come back and prime some more tomorrow!!!!!    My two aunts -- Dusy and Gwen came back today and finished cleaning up the Victorian trim, with some help from my mom.  That was a big project, and it will add a lovely touch when we get to that point!   It was definitely a family day, and a busy one.  We stopped at 7, thanks to weather, as a storm rolled in.  By the end of the day, some of our goals had been met -- the first coat is on the porch except for one window frame and a couple of places where the caulk wasn't dry.  That's for tomorrow..  . .There's a section just above the foundation and below the porch that is completely done!!!!!!!  Yeah!!!!!!!!!!  We've got one whole side of the house primed, now, caulked and ready to paint (I think). . . .(in addition to the porch area-- actually 3 walls. . .) The back kitchen wall still has some prep work left -- sigh-- as do the other two walls.  The south wall will probably take Shane another day.   The good news is that when all the prep work is done, the paint sprayer will make the rest of the work much easier.  Our friends and family have helped us get the hardest part done.  Obviously, we're not going to finish by Monday, but we have a huge start, and the window to completion gets smaller each day.    I think our society has really done ourselves a disservice by doing away with these "barn raising" type activities. . . .it has been a real blessing in so many ways -- not only getting to see people we haven't seen in a while in many cases, but bringing friends and family together that don't often get to be together.  One of the coolest things is the expertise that different folks brought -- from Randy Spruill's magic corner supplies to Randy Fletcher's tricks and carpentry knowledge to Marina's quiet tenacity, Shanda's cooking skills,  and so much more.  I think people should be more willing to ask for help in projects like this.  The people who have helped us this week are forever invested in this house -- and in our lives.  Part of them lives in this paint job, and whenever they visit, they (and we) will know that they helped make it beautiful.  There's a lot to be said for barn raisings (or house paintings. . . .)    The official "painting extravaganza" ends at 5:00 tomorrow.  Of course we'll be working beyond that, so there is still time if you missed out on the first four days of fun.:~)  A million thank-you's wouldn't be enough for all those who've helped, and all of you who've prayed who couldn't be with us.  Bless you all!

Painting, Day three

Today was Saturday, and another long and busy day.  At this stage I am willing to admit (once again, as I did recognize this from the start) that it was a lofty goal we were trying to accomplish in five days.  Realistically, we will probably not complete the whole house in our five day "party".  We will continue to get as much done as possible in the two days we have left and then Shane and I will continue working as much as we can until it is complete, along with the "fifty" other projects we are trying to get done :~)  The joys of an old house. . . . .   Having said all that, today was a very profitable day, although we have little lavender to show for it. . . :~|.  We had tons of amazing people here helping us.   Randy and Marina spent the night and were raring to go first thing this morning -- they both did more than I can even say.  Marina is responsible for most of the lavender that is showing at this point, and spent most of her day actually priming and painting.  Randy was a one-man work crew and took on a number of very important and difficult projects single-handed.   Shanda and Stephen were back today, bless them both.  Shanda was runner -- to town; to Mama and Daddy's; to town. . . . She also kept the food rolling out of the kitchen for everyone, (including a delicious pizza pasta salad) and meals running smoothly, and clean-up.  She has also been our photo-journalist throughout the process.  She was also trouble-shooter for the paint sprayer today.  Stephen scraped, scraped, scraped, and scraped. . . .he also did some other projects, including making us a sherbet for afternoon cool-down.  Yummo!   My dad came and worked so hard all day, not leaving until just after dark.  He caulked, primed, scraped, replaced siding, and tons more.    My mom made it  today as well!  She scraped, worked on Victorian trim, caulked and tightened siding, along with helping with KP and bringing popcorn for snack.   My brother was back today!  He came for the afternoon -- scraped, caulked, primed, and operated the paint sprayer -- even up on the roof!   We had two couples from work who came to help today.  Jonah and Wendy Doeller came, scraping and caulking.  Also Joey and Tonya Whitley came.  They scraped and painted, and were kind enough to leave us their ladder til we get done with this madness :~) (And when they left us, they still had tomatoes to can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)   Rachel and Randy were here with all three kids for a big part of the day.  They scraped, hauled, took out foundation vents, primed, Randy and Daniel both ran the paint sprayer.  David caulked.    What a blessing to have them today -- they were a work crew within themselves!   Late in the day, my two aunts -- Aunt Dusy and Aunt Gwen came and helped.  They scraped for a while and spent the rest of their time with us cleaning up the Victorian trim.   Shane's done a little of everything today, as have I.  We have run, made sure everyone had their tools and whatever else they needed.  We have scraped, painted, primed, caulked. . . . .I even found a way to work in a little more pressure washing today :~) LOL    We have the entire foundation primed, the first coat of lavendar on the porch wall, much of the prep work done (this has been the most time consuming part of the process, and the part that I underestimated. . . . .it seems to never end.. . there is always more to scrape, sand, or caulk. . .or siding to replace. . . .sigh . . . .)  We made TREMENDOUS in-roads in that area today!!!!  I don't know what else to say -- it may not sound like a lot, but we had a lot of people working hard today and we couldn't have gotten as far as we did without their help!!!!!  They have all been such an incredible blessing to us, as have you for keeping our effort in your prayers and thoughts.  Thank you!   Love and Hope, Tonnye

Painting, Day two

A long and busy day, today.  My angel of a brother brought us a new nozzle for the pressure washer, and it was so much better and faster, so he pressure-washed half the house today and finished what of the foundation I didn't get to.  Bless his heart!  What a difference a nozzle makes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   We were blessed all around with a great crew today.  Shanda did KP again today for us, including some delicious spaghetti for supper.  She also did alot of clean-up and plant detail.  Stephen was on the construction crew and scraped and scraped and scraped some more.  He did a lot of other stuff too, including moving a pile of junk and building materials off the porch. . . .   My dad came up again and spent most of the day doing a million helpful things, including replacing siding, caulking, pressure washing, hauling, etc., etc., etc.   Randy and Marina came mid-afternoon and spent til the wee hours of the morning working.  Marina helped me clean the windows, tape them, put on a coat of primer on the porch, and helped us finish cleaning off the porch, and clean up yard debris as well. (She can straddle a ladder with the best of them, let me tell you -- all the way to the top :~)   She also made a late-night run to Wal-Mart with me.  Randy was on construction detail.  He and Shane replaced siding, put a door on the bathroom upstairs, primed the dormer, and  probably some other stuff I don't even know about.    Janet came late afternoon and helped with the primer on the porch and also helped Shanda with supper KP.  Paul came later (after working a full shift on his own job. . . ) and primed and primed and primed.   Shane has worked like a mule all day, and as I write it's almost 1:30 AM and he's just getting his shower as I write.  He's been on construction detail all day, plus hauling Dale up to pressure wash the top part of the house, and scraping and priming the front dormer.    Mama (who's recuperating still from her surgery . . . and she's been sick all week with a nasty stomach virus. . .) came up and helped with supper KP, and brought us paper plates (Christmas ones. . .so we had Christmas in August. . .we also ate salad tonight off "Happy Birthday" plates. . . .oh well.    We all sat down together and ate supper.  It was a long crowded, but very blessed table and we appreciate everyone's help so very much. . . We are very grateful and accomplished a great deal today.   The front wall of the front dormer is ready for lavender and white paint (No, I'm sorry to disappoint "everyone" but we are not leaving it white. . .some people got excited when they saw the primer, thinking we had gone normal or something. . . .what were THEY thinking??????  Of course it's still going to be lavender. . . .we've always been the "purple house on Peacock Rd. . . ."  it's our destiny :~) LOL)   The front wall of the porch is cleaned, primed, taped and ready for it's real coats as well.  The porch is devoid of it's previous storage inhabitants and is looking really beautiful.  the pressure washing is complete, and we were able to actually pressure wash most of the walls of the house.  Some had already been scraped and we didn't want to have to wait to let them dry, so we're letting them be. . . . Many siding boards have been replaced, much scraping has been done, plants have been dug up and moved and the upstairs bathroom now has a working door.   Tomorrow's goal is to get the front porch wall completed, finish replacing boxing, siding, etc., get primer and first coat on as much of the rest of the house as possible, and scrape the porch railings and prime them, if time allows.  We're expecting several more people tomorrow in addition to Randy and Marina (who are spending the night in order to help us 2 days. . . bless their souls.) and Shanda and Stephen and maybe my dad.   Today was a great day, we are blessed people, and we love you all and still covet your prayers.  BTW, the weather was perfect today ...even slightly cooler thanks to that tremendous storm last night (which was over just in time for us to get up and get busy!)   Say your prayers for us tomorrow, Sunday and Monday -- we have a lot left to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Blessings and love, Tonnye   BTW, I worked today too.  I just realized I left myself out.  I actually started my day doing some laundry, dishes and vacuuming, since life must go on in the midst of construction.  I also had a very "exciting" trip up in the LIFT to the upper dormer.  (For those of you who know how I feel about heights, you'll understand why it was exciting.  the rest of you will simply have to use your imagination. :~) Luckily it was a short-lived trip, since Shane didn't have the board he needed, so I was pardoned, and Stephen came up in time to take my place (Bless him!)   I pressure washed again today, getting incredibly dirty and nasty.. . . .I also  gophered for everyone helping "I need a brush, a sponge, the caulk gun, some nails,. . . I scrubbed windows and shutters, helped clean off the porch and helped with KP off and on all day.  I may have done some other stuff too, but at this point I'm too tired to remember, so I'll say "Good night"

Painting, Day one

Just a quick note to give you an update on our project and thank you for your thoughts and prayers -- and help.   First of all, let me clarify -- several of you have asked me if there are specific children.  The answer is no -- we are just beginning the process, but the home visit comes early in the process as well, and we are trying to get the house ready for children.  As most of you know, the house is very old and the outside hasn't been painted in about 15 years, so it is looking in very bad shape.  Several of you have also asked what I meant by family set -- that refers to a set of siblings who are currently in foster care and would like to be adopted together.  We are hoping for 2-4 children, age range infant - 13 years.  There are several sets on the online database right now that match our specifications.   Secondly, the update.  Today we had my dad (Bobby) and my sister (Shanda) and my brother-in-law (Stephen) helping Shane and me. We got a late start, as we had a few things still to get ready.  We rented a lift to help with the upper part of the South wall.  Shane used it, with some help from my dad and Stephen, to scrape the upper area, and to replace some siding on that wall.  Stephen and Daddy sanded and scraped the front wall of the house.  Shanda was on KP part of the time, helped with sanding and scraping, put the power paint sprayer together, and is in process of helping us move some plants that need to be relocated.  Daddy also helped me prune my hostas so that we could get to the foundation.  I did some KP (kitchen patrol) as well, gophered for Shane, and pressure washed the foundation.  I got about half-way around the foundation today, and hope to finish tomorrow, weather permitting.   God blessed us with good weather, which ceased as soon as we stopped work -- then we had a TERRIBLE storm.  It is still raining at 10:30 pm, so tomorrow may be relegated mostly to scraping -- afraid it may be too wet to pressure wash or to paint -- maybe in the afternoon it will dry enough to get some painting started. Shanda and Stephen will be back with us, and maybe Daddy for part of the time -- a couple of friends are supposed to stop by and help as well.   Thank you so much for all your prayers and thoughts and for the help given and the help promised.  I may not have time or feel like updating every night, but I'll try to keep everyone posted.  Please continue in your prayers for us as we go through this process (the painting and the remodeling and the adoption.)   Blessings, Tonnye and Shane

Being in Touch

I've recently gotten back in touch with "Mrs. Y" (even though she's not Mrs. Y anymore) -- my high school drama teacher and mentor extraordinaire. She had such an amazing impact on my life, and it is so cool to be back in touch!

This morning I had an email from a wonderful high school friend -- we're on each other's email contacts, but result in forwards and quick notes. I wrote him a real e-mail today.

My brother-in-law confessed to reading my blog last night. . .

SEveral months ago, I re-established contact with my college roommate -- she's an incredible, funny, honest person, and I am blessed to be back in touch with her.

Email, snail mail, blogs, telephone, face-to-face -- communication. It's nice to know people care about you -- care about your thoughts and feelings. Being in touch -- it's a good thing!

The Parable of the Bug and the Ants

This morning I watched in a sink as a bug had gotten stuck -- the surface was too slippery for him to climb out. There were ants -- lots of them. At first they were just wandering around, but then he slipped and they surrounded him -- they were probably 25-50 times smaller than him, but they kept niggling at him. Ants are very strong, so they even flipped him upside down. He fought and struggled, but as soon as he would right himself, they were niggling at him all over again. I know it's all part of the circle of life and survival of the fittest, but I started to rescue him -- I wanted to, because I know how he felt. I've been him several times in my life -- caught on a slippery slope -- not literally, but the slippery slope of my mind: a mental rut of sorts. And as sure as I try to climb my way out, here come the doubts and fears, niggling at me. Lord knows, they're stronger than me sometimes. Satan uses them as tools. He's smart -- he knows it doesn't take big things to flip me over -- just lots of niggling little doubts and fears.

Father, help me be stronger than the doubts and fears that sometimes plague me. Help me to stand aright and lean on you. Help my faith conquer doubt and your love conquer fear. Through the power of Jesus, Amen!

The Joys and Fears of Camping

Two glorious nights at Linville Falls -- bath house just up the hill (no showers, mind you -- just toilets and sinks. . . ) Creek down the hill -- lots of fireflies; delicious food! sleeping in, full moon, someone playing guitar across the way, nature journaling, relaxing, wrote a song, chilled out, very cool, but damp Beautiful weather

Two long nights at Pisgah -- nice shady campsite, closed bath house for our section. . . port-a-johns. . . .VERY FULL, extremely nasty port-a-johns. . .no thanks! Alternative? Either a very long walk around the campground to the other bath house or a very short drive (my husband will get his wings in heaven, let me assure you:~) On the way to test out the port-a-johns, I met a very interesting Eastern Screech Owl (which is an absolute misnomer, BTW-- he purrs, as opposed to screeching -- go figure!) Putting up the tent in the dark -- cooking hamburgers in the dark (they ended up extra crispy! -- I never claimed to be a grill chef. . . . . :~\ A terrible storm, complete with tremendous thunder booms and huge lightning crashes! A tree down in one campsite -- so thankful it wasn't ours. Singing "Our God is an Awesome God" and other inspirational songs in the middle of the chaotic storm, snuggled up on one side of the picnic table underneath a very flimsy canopy, waiting to grill hot dogs until it slacks off, very damp in the tent, not as cool. . . .waking up to birds singing (which was very nice; however the "prior-to-7:00-in-the-morning-thing" I could do without -- it was my vacation!)

All-in-all, it really was a beautiful trip -- full of natural wonders that made me face my Creator head-on, pause in quiet reflection of its beauty, scream at the insanity of teenagers:~), thrill with music, and view the world from many different angles (including the middle of the "Mile High Swinging Bridge", a bald outcrop on Grandfather Mt., the rooftop of the Biltmore, standing before Linville Falls and staring down into the gorge, praying and gripping as Shane drove the mt. roads faster than my heart liked, looking down the mt. from Amicalola Falls into the valleys below, the unending vista of mts as we drove the Blue Ridge Parkway, and so many more.) It really is a big world, and as Carrie Underwood so aptly puts it, "It sure makes everything seem so small."

Thank you, God, for reminding me, that I am small, but you are not. Your creation is amazing and your power created it all. For getting me across the swinging bridge and across all the mtns without a heart attack. For making me lean on you in the midst of the storm. For showing me the joys and the frustrations of living with a teenager for a week. For the joys of family and nature and time together. For safety and home and wonderful memories, Thank you , Father!

Temporary Mom

No, my gentle readers, do not get too excited -- I am merely referring to the fact that I have just spent 8 days "playing Mom" to my 14-yr-old former student/young friend on a camping trip to the mountains. I feel perhaps more ill-equipped than ever to begin this adoption journey, especially after reading a couple of books on adoptive parenting. (Are they written for the express purpose of scaring the poo out of you?????? -- killing family pets and burning down sheds and houses?!?!?!?!?. .. . .) I appreciate all the kind comments about the kind of mother I'll be, and Lord knows, I hope you're right, but. . . .wow, it is such an undertaking! It was fun -- we had a great time, but I was ready to drop him back off at home -- what will I do when there's no where to drop them off? (Shane and I have tried and tried to figure out how we could just adopt grandkids, but we have the same problem. . .nowhere to drop them off :~) Please pray that I will develop the patience and fortitude to be the kind of mother I need to be if we are allowed to parent.

Ponderings about Adoption

Yesterday when I was wandering around the (very tiny, uninteresting) Biggs Park Mall in Lumberton, I penned these words about my feelings about the adoption process.

My heart quickened today,
As I walked through the local mall.
The children's clothes called to me,
"Touch me and dream," they said
And I did. . .
"Soon" I whispered to the brown eyelet dress,
Not really knowing if it will be
But hoping nonetheless,yet
Thinking of all there is to do:
Applications, adoption interviews,
Home improvements, cleaning,
Paperwork and waiting,
Most of all the waiting
Already feeling so many emotions:

Anger at having to go through all this
To give a child a home
(Who's there to ensure the homeless person's home
Is suitable for children?)
(Who checks to make sure the teenager has a stable relationship
Before she gets pregnant?)
Not that I think they SHOULDN'T check all that,
But I'm just saying. . .
It's frustrating -- one more
Punishment for not being able to have kids of my own. . . .

Fear -- Will I be a good mom?
Will they love Shane more than me?
(Probably -- most kids do . . .)
And how will I handle that?

Uncertainty -- How much TV should they watch?
How will we handle it when they don't like the food we fix?

Anticipation -- Finding it hard to wait to hear footsteps
On the Stairs

Wondering -- if you'll be typical siblings
And our home will soon
Be filled with sibling sounds
(And highly suspect you are and it will be)

Curious -- about what exposure you've had to holiday traditions
And if ours will seem very different to you
Or perhaps foolish
Or if you will embrace them
Heart and soul. . . .

Nervous -- Do you have a great foster family
That it will be hard to leave?
Will you be angry
Or grateful
Or ambiguous
For our taking you away?

Happy--That we'll soon a little family of our own
And be able to share with you our lives

Excited -- About decorating your rooms
And having you see them for the first time.
I hope, more than you know,
That it will say to you
How much we love you already

Ecstatic -- That we'll finally get to use our house
In the way we promised God we would.

So many questions ...more than there are words to voice them
So many emotions -- from one end of the spectrum to the other

So many hopes. . . so many hopes. . .

19 Years!

Yesterday Shane and I celebrated our 19th anniversary. It was an unusual anniversary -- oftentimes we go to Wilmington (where we honeymooned) or get away for a day or two. This summer has been so busy and expensive, we chose to not. So the day was full of errands and meetings and "stuff". Part of the day was spent on the mundane; part of it was spent apart. As it turns out, though, we came back together for a lovely dinner at Black Water Grille in Lumberton, held hands, drove over to the lake walked around, held hands, and came home, held hands, and spent the night with candlelight in each other's arms. Nothing mundane about that. . .here's to the next 19 years!

True Freedom Fest

Sunday afternoon my husband and I found ourselves in a long line waiting to enter the arena at the Boys’ Home in Lake Waccamaw for True Freedom Fest. Some folks had chairs in tow; some had kids in tow. Some were there with family or church groups and come came alone. Perhaps we all came expecting different things. Shane and I were excited to have the opportunity to hear 2 of our favorite contemporary Christian musical groups – Newsong and Todd Agnew with his band.
It was hot. It was dusty. At least one performer made note that they were, in fact, singing in a horse barn. (Although, you have to think, if it was good enough for Baby Jesus, surely it’s good enough for us. . . .) Actually the heat, the dust, nor the horses mattered.
Matt Jernigan began the night with clean comedy and a couple of light-hearted songs of his own. He jabbed and paid tribute, in turn, to the fact that he was a local boy.
Then Flight Out of Egypt took the stage – a young group that includes a couple of kids that belong to Newsong. Loud, hard-rocking, driving music married to Christian lyrics received mixed reviews from the crowd.
Newsong unified the audience with some of their most popular praise and worship songs. As I looked around, folks were responding in myriad ways – some with eyes closed and hands lifted; others clapping, dancing, and jumping for the Lord; still others sat visiting with friends, family, and neighbors.
Jamey Ragle bounced onto the stage with a resounding, “Hello, Luv!” He spoke to us frankly and passionately about how our Monday through Saturday life should match our “Sunday life,” and that church was never meant to be boring. He had us from hello. Many people responded to his call to live out their true freedom in Christ.
By far, the highlight of the evening, for me, was the time that Todd Agnew and his band were on the stage. His humble spirit and love for God were evident as he reminded us that we shouldn’t be putting performers on a pedestal, but that God should get all the glory! What a refreshing message in our era of “Idol worship”! He led us in worship, curtailed our applause at every opportunity, and lived out his faith musically right there with us.
Hawk Nelson ended the evening as it began – with loud, hard-rocking, driving music, which I feel sure that especially the young people enjoyed.
Bailey Produce deserves a huge thank-you for providing such a diverse evening of True Freedom Fest that provided tons of inspiration for us all to live out our Christian freedom every day.

Written July 2007

The Wasp and the Grape

As I passed the grape arbor today, I took one last look – hoping there were some salvageable fruits. The season was ending and many of the leaves had become brown and brittle. Still, a few stubborn fruits hung on. As I reached for one, I realized someone had beaten me to it. A wasp had found it first. He was upended in the grape – literally! All you could see of him was his back end sticking out of the grape! And I knew he was feasting! As the wasp dove in head first, I was reminded of children doing handstands in pools and lakes during summer – playing with wild abandon, feasting on sunshine and sleeping late and cool water and good friends: drinking in bicycle rides, watermelon-covered cheeks and chins, amusement park thrills, and climbing trees. And, just for a moment, I was jealous of the wasp!

Written Sept. 2007

The Grapes of Joy

Today, as I walked through my mama and daddy’s yard, the last grapes of the season called to me. They always call to me – with memories of childhood days spent under Grandmama’s makeshift arbor: not only picking (and eating), but playing, using imagination, reflecting on life, sitting in a shady spot. . . .the kind of memories that seem like such every-day-run-of-the-mill days that you don’t fully appreciate them until they’re gone. Sometimes they disappear only for a season. Other times they are gone for good – relegated to that place where all happy memories live. But even when the thing itself is gone, as long as the memory remains, it takes only a scent, a sight, or the shifting of a breeze to call it all back. That was what happened today. The slightest hint of a ripeness – bordering-on-fermentation; the tease of tiny purple orbs peeking at me between leaves. . . my mouth waters, and I answer the call of the grapes. I pluck the darkest ones; pop them in my mouth one by one. A slight squeeze and I first feel, then taste their juicy pulp. I let it rest a moment, then swallow all the sweet goodness (seeds and all), tossing away only the hull. As the flavor fades, it is tinged with sadness for the end of the season. It is soon overtaken, though, for I have paused and reflected and refreshed myself with grapes of joy.

Written Sept. 2007

Our First Christmas Eve

It was Christmas Eve – 1988. Shane and I had gotten engaged on the 21st; it had already been an incredible holiday! We had spent the first part of the holiday with Shane’s family – my first Christmas with my soon-to-be family. The house rang with laughter, punctuated by crinkling wrapping paper, and was filled with the smells of Christmas. Christmas Eve was replete with traditions of the evening -- games, puzzles, Christmas music, Pralines, Christmas cookies, and family!!! Many of them were spending the night at Shane’s parents’ house, but it was my first Christmas away from my family, and we had agreed to leave Christmas Eve night in order to be in Chadbourn by Christmas morning. The time came to head to North Carolina from the mountains of Georgia. We had a 7 hour drive awaiting us and were hoping to catch at least a nap before the Christmas chaos of the morning. Around 9:00, we left the Fletcher house--full of humor, warmth, and playful fun for a long silent night’s drive. Just before leaving, Shane gave me an early Christmas gift – a small Christmas tree. He had bought battery-operated lights, some white fabric “snow”, and had even decorated the tree! The decorations were costume jewelry – a pearly necklace served as the garland, and there were matching earrings hanging as ornaments as well. As we drove home, those festive lights celebrated the future that was to be ours and the romantic gesture assured me that I had truly found the perfect man for me. We talked and planned for most of the trip. When we tired of talking, we sat in the darkness of the car, with only the Christmas tree promising the joys of tomorrow, becoming today with every mile. Christmas morning came – and went. And so has done for 18 Christmases since then, and every year brings some special, romantic moment that takes me back to that Christmas Eve, and the gift of a decorated tree on the back dashboard of a car!

Note: This was a story I submitted to the News Reporter for their Christmas Memories section.

One Final Surprise

I must have been about 7 or 8, which means my brother was only 4 or 5. Christmas morning was full of all the normal joys – the excitement of Santa, stockings, secrets hiding behind wrapping paper curtains, eating Snickers for breakfast, along with an orange and a box of Cracker Jacks (a Santa stocking staple at our house. . .). Gifts were opened, thank-you’s said, when Mama and Daddy said, “There’s one more tiny gift under the tree for each of you.” Sure enough, as Dale and I crawled under the tree, we found two exactly-the-same boxes. They were the same size, the same shape, and the same wrapping paper. . . the inside contents were also the same – a small black plastic horse, girded with a narrow strip of white typing paper. The message said something like “If you go outside you’ll find your last Christmas present. . . .“ Being a precocious child, I got it right away, but my brother was 3 years younger, and even though I read the note out loud, he didn’t understand the implications. I remember grabbing his shoulders and excitedly trying to help him grasp this concept. Finally, I just shouted, “Let’s Go!” We tore outside at the speed of a race horse. With some guidance from Mama and Daddy, we found a small stable at the back of our property. Waiting patiently to greet us were two ponies – one a full-blooded Welsh, and the other a Welsh/quarter horse blend. They were beautiful beyond words! I don’t remember how it was decided, but I counted the male Welsh/Quarter blend as mine. His name was Prince, and he wore it well. His mother was the other pony – Nell. She belonged to Dale. They were the most amazing gifts we had ever received – or ever would receive. “How did you. . . .?” “When were they. . . ?” “But when did ya’ll. . . ?” “Where did they. . . ?” were the conversation starters of the rest of Christmas morning. As it turned out, the ponies had been there for several days, totally unknown to my brother and me – we didn’t even know the stable was there! Daddy and Mama had built the stable, brought the ponies, and taken care of them for days without our knowledge. Here’s to the innocent ignorance of children, and final surprises!

Note: This was an entry for the Christmas edition of our local newspaper.

Drab Treasure

DRAB TREASURE
I was nine. The year was 1976 or 1977 and I was in 4th grade. It was a very eventful year – full of discoveries – a new best friend that would last me the rest of my life, and a new love – one that would comfort me for all the days of my life.
My mom enjoyed yard sales. It was a Saturday, although I don’t know the season. Mama and I were meandering through the sellers at the local flea market. I reached down into a box and pulled out a treasure. Perhaps it wouldn’t look like a treasure to you, and I don’t honestly know why I was drawn to it, but it beckoned me—right through its drab brown cover, with masking tape band-aids. It was ancient! The copyright was 1908, and for 25 cents, it became my first antique book, and my first foray into poetry. It was a love affair waiting to happen! That’s why I was excited when my teacher assigned us a project. Her name was Mrs. Kathy Deavers, and it was a poetry project. While I don’t remember the details of the assignment, in gist, it was to create our own collection of poems that were special to us or that we loved. We had to have them categorized, illustrated, and a table of contents was to be included. As a nine-year-old, mine was a motley crew of poets – William Shakespeare dipped his pen next to Mother Goose, and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow philosophized alongside me -- a young girl who was bewitched by love and poetry. Alfred Lord Tennyson lauded the eagle, and Longfellow recounted the history of Hiawatha and Paul Revere. And so it began – I read poetry; I wrote poetry – I love poetry.
My collection of antique poetry books has grown, and still they sidle next to Mother Goose, and modern children’s poets like Jack Prelutsky. In the center of it all still sits the drab brown poetry textbook from 1908 – one of my most treasured possessions. It stays by my bed – wear and tear from being loved hard and used much have required a few more band-aids. I have shared it through the years with students. My first year teaching, Joey loved it almost as much as I. Every day during quiet reading time, he would timidly approach my desk, “Mrs. Fletcher, can I please borrow your book of poems?” I often wonder if that was the beginning for him too.
My drab little brown treasure is full of poems, but if it could talk it would have plenty of stories to share about how it inspired more than one poetic soul during its lifetime.

Note: This was my entry for the NC Reading Association Young Author's Writing Contest -- it didn't place, but I enjoyed writing it!

Changes

I've never been one to like changes. Oftentimes, they hit me pretty hard. Some are more embraceable than others. I was struck Friday night by the changes of life (It sounds painful, but it didn't really hurt -- well, not much anyway.)

We were in Manteo for the 4th of July -- our annual tradition, as it has existed for the last 7 years, at least, with our friends Randy and Rachel and their three children: Katherine, David, and Daniel. This is one of the foregone conclusions of our year, and one of the favorite things we do. And while THAT hopefully won't change, it is about to face a number of changes. For one, Katherine just graduated from high school. As unbelievable as that seems, it is true. So this was our last Independence Day before Katherine spreads her wings and explores her own independence. I have to say, Rachel and Randy are brave people, because there were a couple of moments of the evening that were bittersweet for me for that reason. I sincerely hope that Katherine will be there with us next year, but it is assured to have a different feel. And then I thought about changes going on in our life and the search for adoptive children. I made the comment that next year we might have to drive 2 vehicles -- that within itself, such a seemingly small change shouts loudly in my ears. Why? Next year Shane and I may have 2-3 children to take with us, which will necessitate a second vehicle. Changes. . . .Then as the fireworks were exploding over our heads, I was overwhelmed with so many emotions -- all these changes as well as patriotic feelings, but then settled over me this one quiet feeling that next year, maybe, we'll get to share this amazing experience with 2-3 young people who will see the value of lifelong friendship, the soul-stirring beauty of music well-played, the relaxing feeling of being near the water, the heart-squeezing gratitude of being American, and what it means to be family, and that it has never been about the blood -- it's all about the love.

Next year may bring changes, but not all changes are bad. Spreading wings and growing families are changes, but they are pretty wonderful changes.