Ironies and Anniversaries

So today is my 20th anniversary. 20 years ago today, Shane and I said our vows and embarked on this life together. It's been a very interesting 20 years; there have certainly been ups and downs; positives and negatives; and whatever other appropriate polar opposites you can think of. It is definitely ironic that it seems such a long time and a short time at the same time. . . .it's difficult to remember my life without Shane in it; yet in many ways it feels like just yesterday or last week that we started this journey together. One of the ironies that I've faced the last couple of years is simply not being together on our anniversary. Last year, he had several meetings on the day, but we did manage to carve out time to have dinner together. This year, however, he's been involved in a week-long staff development/doctoral course, so he left this morning about 7:30 and I haven't seen him since :~(. It's a worthy cause and a healthy reason, and we celebrated about a month ago, because we knew it would be unlikely for us to carve out time on the day. But that's the difference in the fantasy and the reality of marriage. The reality is, every anniversary is not roses and candlelight and mad, passionate love -- some pass quietly, some come and go with more than their fair share of stress, sometimes one or both of you is grieving, or taking care of family. Sometimes you might be sick or depressed. . . .some are insanely busy, and some are romance and music and candles. We've had 20 now and they've all been different. And even this one, with its anticlimactic romance factor, was not a total wash. . . .
Last month, Shane and I had a professional photographer friend do a photo shoot of us in Wilmington, where we spent our honeymoon. We borrowed the B&B where we stayed for pictures and went down to the riverfront as well. It was fun getting dressed in different outfits and focusing on each other for the afternoon. It was wonderful to have such a delightful reason to look into each other's eyes for long periods of time and smile at each other and gaze with love and longing at Shane -- when did we stop doing that? It was nice to be reminded. The day was a mix of mundane and celebratory. We got the truck serviced; I got a haircut; but there was a lovely lunch on the waterway and an impromptu dinner on the riverfront. We shared laughter and memories -- they even let us use our "old room" to change clothes. . . .So even though there have come anniversaries (and will surely come more) that are LESS than romantic, the life we share is as romantic as we choose to make it. Marriage is about taking the bad along with the good, the mundane along with the exciting, the staying home along with the travel, the sickness alongside the health, the lean times along with the rich times, the sad with the happy. It's about creating little moments that only you share. It's not about being perfect -- it's about loving each other in spite of our lack of perfection. Marriage is a journey -- a sweet wonderful journey made up of twists and turns speed traps and slow zones, beautiful scenery and necessary travel. This is one trip I'm glad I'm on. So this morning before he left, he left me a beautiful card (purchased last month on our surrogate anniversay) with lots of lovely sentiments about the fact that I'm his home. And I spent the better part of the day creating a terrific little slide show for him, reminding him that all the little things he does and the person he is is all the hero I'll ever need. We texted and talked on the phone -- he put our anniversary on Facebook, and I sit here blogging about it. Life has certainly changed in the last 20 years; and we've changed; but not our love; it's the constant throughout all the other chaos in our world. Thanks, Shane for 20 years -- here's to 20 more!