Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving -- giving thanks -- a time to count your blessings and give credit where it's due. This Thanksgiving I have much to be thankful for. I am 42 and in relatively good health, considering I don't take great care of myself. I still have both my parents and my in-laws living. I have an incredible husband, who is constantly adding more and more blessings for which I am thankful. . . . I have a job -- not a perfect job, but a great job with good pay and (sometimes, at least) a feeling of fulfillment -- and in these economic times, that is a gargantuan blessing! I have lovely family -- a brother, who, although zany, would do anything for me if I needed it. A sister whom I love more than words -- she is my "twin" separated by 13 years, and as different as night and day. A brother-in-law who seldom ceases to make me laugh and is as much a part of my life as any blood kin. An 8-month-old nephew who is pure joy. . . . Two parents who have been supportive in every way possible and continue to listen to my successes and challenges on a regular basis. A house -- a roof, 4 walls, some heat, some air conditioning, comfortable furnishings ( and some not so comfortable, but still usable :~) A hearty group of friends on whom I can truly depend, the top of the list being Rachel and Randy and Paul and Janet. They enrich my life more than they know, along with their children: Linda, Jeff, and Connor are as much a part of our family as if we'd grown up in the same house. Katherine, David and Daniel have been a sheer joy to watch grow up and I am so blessed to have watched Rachel and Randy as parents. I look forward to incredible things from all three of them, and I am so thankful to be part of their lives. A plethora of acquaintances and work associates who share my life and bring challenges and blessings of their own. In-laws with whom I get along and share emotional experiences with: MIL Sheryl, who is so full of love and encouragement. FIL Charlie, who is a constant surprise. Grandma Nita, who has fulfilled every grandmotherly role in a tremendous way since my own passed away in 2000 & 2001. BIL Randy, currently serving in Afghanistan -- I am so proud of the man -- husband, father, soldier, grandfather he has become. His wife (and my Sis) Marina -- a special friend as well as family. Their children: Sophia (married to another soldier serving in Afghanistan) and currently living in Italy with her darling baby -- Braden, who is a cutie-patootie (and my first "great nephew", Nelson, who is graduating from Basic Training, Julia, who is a beautiful dancer and a beautiful person, and Mason, who loves us with all his being -- and the feeling is mutual. SIL Kelli, who has grown into one of the most beautiful women I know -- inside and out. . . her hubby Daniel, who is a walking encyclopedia!, and precious Wylder, who I can't wait to spend some holiday time with! For aunts and uncles and other extended family who brighten our days! For our two precious kitties, Lancelot and Merlyn who make us smile and snuggle with us and remind us to always care for others. . . .For Cars that get us where we need to go and usually where we want to go. For a comfortable bed, and time to sleep. For laughter, For music, For dreams. . . .For everything!!!!!!!! Thank you, Great God of Heaven for these and all the other innumerable blessings you've placed in my path -- especially for the ones that don't seem like blessings right now, because they are probably the ones that will help me grow the most! Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone! What are you thankful for?

Oatmeal Cream Pie Reflection

Sometimes it happens. Not every time, but it's so clear when it does. I stopped yesterday for a snack -- an oatmeal cream pie. Every now and then, when I open the package, get a whiff of that distinctive scent and take the first bite with the crispy chewy edges and just a hint of fluffy white cream, I am magically transported back to first grade. I am standing, waiting for bus 161, where I get to read words from a science book for a middle school kid because he is so impressed that as a first grader I can sound out all those words. I am carrying my little blue and red "booksack". I am in Ms. Meachem's class, folding a paper into 8 boxes, drawing a little picture in each box. I am singing the color song and standing and sitting at the appropriate time. I am struggling with greater than/less than in Ms. Ellis' class. I am in reading group reading Dick and Jane. Ms. Harper is fussing because I don't make my a's properly. I am watching videos (read filmstrips? probably. . . ) Ms. Caldwell is my principal. I am amazed by the library. Cheryl Graham is my best friend -- we sit on the bus singing Top of the World by the Carpenters. She spends the night and is somewhat afraid when my dad gets home; hiding under my bed. I find the prize egg at Easter, with the help of Terri's mom (even though Terri is in my class). I spend the night with Terri. (That house is now a gift shop. . . ) I am harrassed on the bus by Leon -- he even rips my dress. I go with my mom to talk to the guy in charge of the buses. I ride with my dad to school, and he is amazed to learn that he knows my teacher (I have a much more interesting version of that story perhaps I'll share sometime). I stand at the edge of the road waiting for the bus and I can see my breath, dressed in school clothes for fall, and the air is cool and crisp and there are leaves on the ground. I am walking the hallways of a school for the first time -- first grade -- playground, snacks, nice people, people disappointed in me, books, people who need friends, writing, people who are really nasty, good, evil. It is my first foray into the real world, and it all comes back with one bite of an oatmeal cream pie.

Halloween poem III

Leaves crunch and crackle
Beneath my frightened feet
As I run harder, faster
To the rhythm of my racing heartbeat.
Running from the headless horseman,
Something flies through the air. . . .
A pumpkin at my feet. . .
My horse was scared and ran away,
And now I stand alone
To face a certain death

Or an uncertain life. . .
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. . . . . .

Halloween poem II

I see the stars on a moonless night
I taste the crispness of fall
I hear the voices of children
Yelling "Trick-or-treat!"
A bonfire smokes the air, lending its scent.
Marshmallows --
Icky, sticky, gooey, toasted delight. . . .
A scream pierces the air
In the dark on Halloween night

Halloween poem I

I see a jack o'lantern
I hear the wailing wind
I smell the smells of autumn
As cold air brushes my skin
When I eat a caramel apple --
I taste Halloween!

A Little Bit of Life

This summer I've been adding tons of music to my IPOD and trying to get it organized in such a way that it is the most useful for me. I've created genre files and artist files to make my music accessible, but my favorite thing to do is to put it on shuffle, and let it mix up all my eclectic music, one bizarre song after another. Yes, I have over 300 Christmas songs alone, so I end up listening to alot of Christmas music -- even if it's August! And I have a couple of files that some people would find strange. (For instance, I have probably 30 different versions of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.) I have bagpipes, classical, ocean surf, and children's pirate tunes humming alongside Elvis, a huge country file, tropical music, oldies, bluegrass, and John Denver. I have 3 different religious files -- A capella christian, General christian (mix of contemporary, southern gospel, black gospel, whatever else I have. . . ), and bluegrass gospel that has many of the old hymns. I love it when they mix, because it "sounds like life to me". Everything about our lives is so segmented. We do "church" things at "church" (and nowhere else). We do "school" things at school; we do Christmas only at Christmas (as if Jesus weren't important except at Christmas --oh, yes, and Easter); dance music is relegated to the "dance halls", and we pull out our country/pop/rock/contemporary stuff when we're with our friends. But regardless of how society seeks to segment our life, it all belongs to God who gave it. He gave us the joy of the dance, the heart of contemporary Christian, the reason for the Christmas gifts, the lack of fear at Halloween because He conquered death;He gave the variety of cultures the world over with their wondrous diversity. He blessed Elvis with his incredible voice, and The Platters with their amazing harmony. There are lessons to be learned amidst it all, because God is in the middle of it. And as I think about it with my music, maybe I should think more about it with my life. Maybe, as Todd Agnew so adeptly put it, we need, "a little more You in the middle of me!" A little (lot) more God in the middle of our daily lives instead of making Him wait until Sunday. A little more Christian music mixed in throughout the week to encourage us to walk the walk every day. A little more Bible in our daily reading material. He's there -- beside you right now. Whatever music you're listening to, He's hearing it. Whatever movie you're watching, he's hanging out on the sofa, too. Let Him into the daily grind. Live out loud. Be salt. Be light. Jesus bids us shine. He bids us to turn up the music. Turn it up loud. . . .but make sure He's in the mix.

Moonrise. . . .Sunrise

From the East, a glowing sphere rose
From the darkness of the night to kiss
The water below.

The barely waning moon
held captive the dark waves as we walked along
the sand, holding hands -- laughing, chatting,
Being together. Looking out, it
Appeared the moon painted the fingernails
Of the ocean, and now it crept forward
With provocative playfulness, tickling the
Sand with silver-tinged tips. Night
played peek-a-boo with light as shadows
Danced on the sparkling strand, punctuated
By occasional fireworks up and down the beach.

The man in the moon smiled down on lovers and families
As he lit their way and moved across the sky.

As he neared the West, the light appeared again
In the East, a gray light with shades of pink
That darkened the waves into an angry froth
and began the battle for the sky. Soon
a neon sphere emerged from the horizon,
Announcing its arrival with hues of lavenders,
Pinks, and reds, releasing daylight to cover
Our world with light and heat and sunshine.

All Night Long

Last night I fulfilled a promise. Sometimes my husband gets glimpses of someone I used to be (a very long time ago. . . .) and wonders what happened to that Tonnye. A case in point most recently was when he discovered I had spent a whole night walking on the beach with a guy friend when I was 20ish. He felt left out, and whined a little. . . it wasn't jealousy, per se. It was just something he would LOVE to do with me, too. So I promised. Last night after a mini-shopping excursion, we had pizza at Giorgio's @ North Myrtle, and then settled in for our all-night vigil on the beach. We took beach towels and a cooler, and began walking. We found a place to settle our things, lay down for a while and looked out at the ocean and up at the moon, which was really beautiful, just on the waning side of full, so it provided much light. We hung out in our spot or walked from about 8:30 - 11ish. We were right at Ocean Drive Pavilion, so we went in to use the restroom. There were a few shaggers on the floor, so we sat and watched -- even joined them in a couple of dances (My FHU friends can read that as choreography if you need to ;~) We enjoyed the music and the breeze, and saw some new steps we really need to try. Around 12:30, we headed back out to the beach -- walked, talked, and enjoyed God's incredible majesty -- laid on our towels and chatted, watched fireworks, and watched the condo lights go out 1 by 1. Around 2 we decided to leave for a bit -- the pavilion had closed up, and we needed a restroom and a break, so we hit Denny's -- had Grand Slams in the middle of the night, talked about wishes and dreams, and then headed back to the beach to watch the sun rise. Eventually it did, and it was quite lovely. Shane watches sunrise on the beach quite often, but not being such a morning person, it's more rare for me ;~). It was a special treat. We were collecting seashells as the sun came up and the tide came in. I didn't get to see any dolphins, which was perhaps my only disappointment. . . .We left the beach at 7:00 this morning, having had a really wonderful relaxing night with nowhere we had to go and a committment to enjoy it to its fullest. I must confess that as soon as I was in the car, however, I was out like a light. When we got home, I stumbled in long enough to get to the bed, and slept until time for church. I defer to my husband's youthful exuberance -- not even a nap for him -- until about 4:00, when he crashed and is still asleep. It was a good idea, a good promise to keep, and a good night -- all night long!

Ironies and Anniversaries

So today is my 20th anniversary. 20 years ago today, Shane and I said our vows and embarked on this life together. It's been a very interesting 20 years; there have certainly been ups and downs; positives and negatives; and whatever other appropriate polar opposites you can think of. It is definitely ironic that it seems such a long time and a short time at the same time. . . .it's difficult to remember my life without Shane in it; yet in many ways it feels like just yesterday or last week that we started this journey together. One of the ironies that I've faced the last couple of years is simply not being together on our anniversary. Last year, he had several meetings on the day, but we did manage to carve out time to have dinner together. This year, however, he's been involved in a week-long staff development/doctoral course, so he left this morning about 7:30 and I haven't seen him since :~(. It's a worthy cause and a healthy reason, and we celebrated about a month ago, because we knew it would be unlikely for us to carve out time on the day. But that's the difference in the fantasy and the reality of marriage. The reality is, every anniversary is not roses and candlelight and mad, passionate love -- some pass quietly, some come and go with more than their fair share of stress, sometimes one or both of you is grieving, or taking care of family. Sometimes you might be sick or depressed. . . .some are insanely busy, and some are romance and music and candles. We've had 20 now and they've all been different. And even this one, with its anticlimactic romance factor, was not a total wash. . . .
Last month, Shane and I had a professional photographer friend do a photo shoot of us in Wilmington, where we spent our honeymoon. We borrowed the B&B where we stayed for pictures and went down to the riverfront as well. It was fun getting dressed in different outfits and focusing on each other for the afternoon. It was wonderful to have such a delightful reason to look into each other's eyes for long periods of time and smile at each other and gaze with love and longing at Shane -- when did we stop doing that? It was nice to be reminded. The day was a mix of mundane and celebratory. We got the truck serviced; I got a haircut; but there was a lovely lunch on the waterway and an impromptu dinner on the riverfront. We shared laughter and memories -- they even let us use our "old room" to change clothes. . . .So even though there have come anniversaries (and will surely come more) that are LESS than romantic, the life we share is as romantic as we choose to make it. Marriage is about taking the bad along with the good, the mundane along with the exciting, the staying home along with the travel, the sickness alongside the health, the lean times along with the rich times, the sad with the happy. It's about creating little moments that only you share. It's not about being perfect -- it's about loving each other in spite of our lack of perfection. Marriage is a journey -- a sweet wonderful journey made up of twists and turns speed traps and slow zones, beautiful scenery and necessary travel. This is one trip I'm glad I'm on. So this morning before he left, he left me a beautiful card (purchased last month on our surrogate anniversay) with lots of lovely sentiments about the fact that I'm his home. And I spent the better part of the day creating a terrific little slide show for him, reminding him that all the little things he does and the person he is is all the hero I'll ever need. We texted and talked on the phone -- he put our anniversary on Facebook, and I sit here blogging about it. Life has certainly changed in the last 20 years; and we've changed; but not our love; it's the constant throughout all the other chaos in our world. Thanks, Shane for 20 years -- here's to 20 more!

Fireflies -- Fantasy or Nightmare??

Shane and I camped 2 nights at Julian Price Park on the Blue Ridge Parkway -- really nice place. The weather was mostly perfect, we saw a little wildlife (couple of deer, couple of chipmunks, some birds) and a bajillion fireflies. . . . .Thursday night about 10 or 10:30, we walked up to the bath house and the fireflies were flickering and glowing all around us. It was absolutely one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen -- surely no fairy wonderland is any more beautiful. It was incredibly enchanting, and we turned off our flashlights for quite a while, just stood, captivated by the amazing "laser show" these guys were doing for us. Things like this are the reason I like camping anyway -- getting close to nature and seeing things that people who don't like to camp don't get to see. . . .and then I got home, and waiting in my email was an email from enature.com -- one of my favorite wildlife sites. They were sharing summer interest stories, and my mind was on the fireflies, so I clicked on that one to learn more. . . .Imagine my surprise to learn that some species of firefly after they have mated, the female's body chemistry changes somewhat, and hormones are activated that make her a man-eater. She still lures the males with her enchanting flickering beacon, and then as he joins her in the bushes hoping for some romance, she attacks him and has him for dinner. Now, I'm sure I'll get over it and still enjoy seeing the beautiful fireflies flickering, but I gotta tell you -- for a while I'm gonna think twice -- it kind of destroyed the romance for me. . . .I guess there really IS such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!

Fencing Hummers

Fencing Hummers
With fancy wingwork, the hummers dance around the feeder on the fence,
Fighting, fighting, fighting
For food, for survival, for sheer competition, for territory.

One perches high on a branch above the feeder,
Watching , guarding his special feeding spot,
Then, as another jeweled green hummingbird nears the feeder,
He advances.
You can almost hear the announcement, “En garde”
As the other hummer leaves the feeder for a quick battle.
Swords at the ready, the wingwork is intricate, complicated, and so fast
It appears a blur, wings moving 50 times in a second, readying him to advance, then retreat.
One hummer cuts, while the other flicks.
They glide as they hover, moving their sword-like beaks in time
To an imaginary song of nature
Or a medieval song of competition
They thrust, parry, retreat, reprise. . . .
Swords at the ready continually,
They sip, dip, flip, hover, attack, counter-attack. . . .
Fencing hummers on the fence.

My Mother's Day Poem for Mama

On days like today, I think of the gifts I’d like to give,
But, instead of giving, I’d actually take away –
The discomfort of 9 months of waiting,
The long, hard hours of labor,
The 6 weeks of crying, sleepless nights.
I’d take away the sibling squabbles,
The skint-up knees and temper tantrums.



I’d take from you the sass and attitude
I gave back then – wiping out their memory.
I’d remove all the nights of missed curfews,
The lies told, and the worries I brought.
I’d lovingly scrape away all the hard times
Throughout our lives together, leaving only happy memories.











But then, when I came to now,
Our relationship wouldn’t be the same. . .
Those challenges made us the mother and daughter we are.
Yes, I have regrets, and things I’d take away,
But it would change who we are now –
The friendship we have and the love we hold dear.




I hope it’s enough to look back on those days
As building blocks that helped create
The woman I am today, and the relationship we share.
I hope you know
That I appreciate the love that wound itself through
All the memories, good and bad,
And brought us to the place we are today.

A Year without Cigarettes

Well, Mama has made it a whole year with no cigarettes. So many blessings -- her grandson will hopefully never have to see her with one of those things in her hand or mouth. We were looking at pictures recently, and Mama had a cigarette in most of them . . . .how wonderful to see her smoke-free now and still. We are all so proud of her! We sent cards and balloons for her 1-year anniversary. Yay, Mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know the way to San Jose?

No, not the Mexican restaurant. . . the place. . . as it happens, one of my favorite students is leaving me early. Yes, I know we only have 9 days left to be together. Yes, I know I'm supposed to be anxiously awaiting summer. Yes, I know that's one less to deal with for these last few chaos-filled days. . . .and No, none of that makes me feel any better! Marleni has been a source of constant joy this year. She has blossomed and had such fun in my class. She loves me and the feeling is mutual. She has fallen in love with the Babysitters' Club Little Sister books this year. She has read them voraciously -- every one I could find for her. And as she's been talking about leaving early, she asked me earlier this week if she could have something to remember me by. Her idea of something to remember me by was the whole series of the "Karen books" as that is how she FONDLY refers to them :~). The second half of the year has begun every morning with a Karen update. . . she could sit with me for hours discussing Karen's latest crisis (and often tried :~). She's ended her second grade year with just shy of 200 AR points. Not only has Karen stolen her heart, but she's also been one of the biggest supporters of the Magic Tree House series. She especially enjoyed the Titanic story; was completely swept away. She borrowed another book I had on the Titanic, watched the movie at home with her mom, and was so dramatic. As we finished the MTH book, she finished her book and we had had in-depth discussions, she said one afternoon, "Mrs. Fletcher, it's just so sad! I think I just want to go home and lie on my bed and cry for hours!" And for the next week if anyone mentioned the word Titanic she would look sad and cover her ears. . . . She embraced the story of Helen Keller in our reading book, and was dying to learn all the sign language I could teach her. She has been the most motivated student I've ever had and has enjoyed all the learning I could share. She did her best to keep me straight and keep me doing everything I was supposed to do (which was sometimes helpful and sometimes annoying) :~) She would have sat with me at every meal and come home with me if I'd let her. Her family is heading back to Mexico, which is sad on a number of levels. I'm so sad not to be able to see her in the hallways next year, so sad she's not going to get to enjoy these last few days with us, so sad to miss out on her hugs and conversations, so sad. . . . .I've been teary all week as she's been talking about moving. Today, I got more than my fair share of hugs from her accompanied by "Mrs. Fletcher, I don't want to go." I can certainly relate to that -- I don't want her to go. I don't know what the schools are like in Mexico. I don't know what opportunities she'll have. I don't know if she'll make it back to America. I don't know if she'll fulfill her dreams of being a teacher, singer or doctor there. I don't know if she'll maintain her amazing command of spoken and written English. (When she came here in Kindergarten, she did not speak a WORD of English.) I just don't know.

She'll have her favorite Karen book, a 2 page letter from me (complete with all my phone #s, snail mail and email addresses), a ruler, multiplication tables, a Hannah Montana pen, a magnetic US map, etc. tomorrow. How I wish I could give her more.

I've cried for the last 2 afternoons, and don't know how I'm going to talk to her father tomorrow when he comes to visit. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye. . . my goodbyes are usually just summer goodbyes, followed by a gradual release before I'm not going to see them again. This one is sudden and sad, and I really don't want to say it.

Please say some prayers for Marleni. She's young and resilient and I know she'll be fine, but she has the capability to be so much more than fine. My prayers will be with her and I sincerely hope she'll find a way to stay in touch. I wish her all the blessings and opportunity Mexico has to offer -- and a reunion one day where we can recap all the wonderful second grade memories and catch up on all the great things that have happened since we were last together.

Many blessings, Marleni, Thanks for all the second grade memories you were a part of this year!

Valentine's Day

Money has been tight and time has been tighter, and Valentine's Day fell on a weekend, and we've promised all our non-promised weekends to our house renovations. . . .so that meant for Valentine's Day weekend we were home, and we were working. Friday night Shane cooked chicken and pastry for me (one of my favorites). I took time to create a table setting that even Sandra Lee would probably approve of for Valentine's Day -- a white tablecloth with clear vinyl placemats with multi-colored hearts and a little glitter for good measure, a centerpiece that was quickly pieced together from various little gifts and hand-me-downs, and 2 floating candles. . . .quick and simple, but festive -- and nice. So in between working upstairs and getting ready for my sister's baby shower and doing dishes and laundry, we dined.. .Saturday morning Shane brought me breakfast in bed, which was delicious, and he even color-coordinated the dishes on the tray with the tray. . . (am I a lucky girl or what to have a man who even notices???) We sanded, cleaned, and painted upstairs all day long Saturday. I took some steaks out to thaw early in the day. . . .I stopped around 5 or so and went downstairs -- took out the trusty laptop and began searching for recipes. One of our favorite movies is Chocolat, and we had joked about doing a chocolate feast for supper on Valentine's Day and watching the movie. . . .so I found recipe for a steak rub that contained...................yes, chocolate (and coffee and oregano and salt and pepper and cayenne and paprika. . . .) So I whipped that up and massaged the steaks well, stuck them back in the fridge. . . .then looked up a chocolate vinaigrette salad dressing Sandra Lee had made on Food Network. Unfortunately, it called for a pre-made balsamic vinaigrette dressing (which I happened NOT to have), so then I had to look for Rachael Ray's balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Well, when I finished I had a chocolate vinaigrette and it was actually very good! Now, I can't tell you that I added chocolate to the baked potatoes -- they were just butter and cheese, but I did spray them with olive oil and sprinkle them with sea salt before wrapping them in foil and baking them. . . .After we showered, we got a little dressed up. . . .then we lit the candles, listened to NorthPole radio, turned on the gas logs, and had a wonderful relaxing supper. We followed it up by watching Chocolat, snuggling on the sofa and ending on a very romantic note ;~}

No roses, no candy, no dinner reservations, no balloons, no pantyhose, no fighting the crowds at the restaurants, no standing in long lines, no chaos, no drama -- just Shane and me spending a beautiful, nice, quiet, private evening together. . . .

Dinner from the freezer/pantry $0.00
1 Valentine's Day card bought on sale $1.50
1 tablescape created from stuff on hand $0.00
Private showing of a romantic movie $0.00
A quiet, PRIVATE gourmet dinner with your handsome husband AND getting home renovations moving forward PRICELESS

The Strength of a Mama

You know, last summer Mama had surgery. The doctors told her that she really needed to stop smoking. We all knew that was unlikely. . . Mama had been a smoker for 50ish years! She had started as a teenager, and was quite dependent. We were thrilled when she made the decision to stop. It's been about 8 months now, and there have been so many blessings -- sometimes they crop up at unexpected times -- like when we all went out to dinner recently. The hostess asked "Smoking? or Non?" I started to say "Smoking" for Mama's sake, but then I realized that I didn't have to do that anymore. .. . The day to day blessings are the best -- the fact that the house doesn't smell like smoke -- we can go visit and our clothes don't smell like smoke. . . there's not nasty ashtrays everywhere. . . . .and the timing was impeccable, since Shanda is expecting a baby in a few weeks.

Smoking has been a part of our lives forever, and it is really incredible that it is not anymore. It was probably one of the hardest things she's ever done, and while I know she did it in part for her health, I think she also knew how happy it would make us for that part of our lives to be behind us. How wonderful to be able to breathe easy and clean and clear. And how amazing is the strength of a mama.

Living with PCOS

OK, this one's kind of personal, but most of you who are reading are my friends and family. And if not, you probably got here looking for info about PCOS, so you'll understand. I've been thinking alot about this lately.

I always think about it when I read the biblical account regarding the woman with the issue of blood. I'm not sure what her issue was, but I imagine it was much like mine. Eternal menstrual cycles meant eternal uncleanness -- she was ostracized in some really sad ways -- considered unclean meant that no one could really touch her. . . she was never going to get married -- she was destined for a life of loneliness and exclusion. My life could be worse. Thank Heavens I wasn't born in biblical times.

And of course, there's the barrenness issue. Here, again, let me appeal to the Bible and reference the stories of Leah and Rachel, Abraham and Sarah, Hannah, etc. Yes, I may not be able to have children, but it is certainly more acceptable now (though no less sad) than it would have been then. Thank Heavens I wasn't born in biblical times.

Now, if I had been born around the turn of the 20th century, I could have had an interesting job as part of a traveling circus as a bearded lady. . . yes, I do know it's not "normal" for women to have the facial hair that I have, and yes, I am aware of waxing, depilatories, shaving, and plucking -- however, none of those work for me on a frequent enough basis to look "normal" so, unfortunately for me, living in 2009, that means lots of questions from nephews and students about why women have mustaches or beards -- and the whole hormone thing a little difficult to explain to 5, 7 or 35 year-olds, so I don't usually bother. I simply say, "sometimes they do. . ." But, again, it could be worse -- I'm not a member of the freak show of the traveling circus -- although sometimes I feel like it. . . .

The accusations are never-ending: butch, lazy, fat, freak, etc., but the truth is this: I have PCOS, and because of that my hormones are as screwy as they come, and that affects weight, hair growth, moods, fertility, and probably a thousand other things that I'm not even aware of. And yes, I've spent my fair share of days crying, feeling sorry for myself, being depressed, etc. -- and in all honesty, those days have probably not seen their end, but it could be worse. I am happily married to a man who loves me even if I could be in a circus freak show, and cannot give him children. I am aware of my blessings, thank God for the humility that comes with the challenges I have faced, and ask Him for wisdom for how to handle questions and comments that are embarrassing.

But if Jesus walked by, I think I would reach for his garments too, because this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. Nonetheless I will try my best to face it with grace and confidence in the one who can overcome. . . and long for heaven, where I have already reserved my size 3 (or at least 7/8) heavenly body with no facial hair, my place in the choir, and the acceptance that I've sometimes missed out on down here. :~)

PS And I really hope I don't wake up regretting this post tomorrow :~\

Little Miracles

Life is full of little miracles -- some big ones too. Take for instance the fact that Grandma Nita had a significant amount of cash saved for a trip that was in the house that burned. The only things they've been able to salvage are a couple of pairs of shoes, some fine jewelry, and. . . you guessed it -- paper money -- go figure. Isn't God great? He takes what could be the most terrible event in our life in a long time, finds an amazing positive twist, and reminds us that He is in control. Praise Him for little miracles -- and big reminders!

Prayer Requests. . . .

Hi to all our friends and family, Some of you already know one or more bits of this news, but I wanted to share so everyone could be praying for Shane's family. It's been a tough week. On Monday, his brother, Randy, left for Afghanistan for a "year-ish" tour of duty. We have heard that they arrived safely in Afghanistan, but as many of you know, the fighting is pretty severe there, so please keep him in your prayers -- and the family he left to serve our country. We are all missing him and thinking of him and worried about him, and we appreciate your thoughts and prayers during his time there. Then yesterday, Grandma Nita (some of you know her as Juanita Vaughn; some of you have never met her, but she is Shane's 83 year old grandmother. . .) was coming back from dinner with Shane's parents -- got back into the house and was in the basement, heard an explosion, realized her car and then her house were on fire, grabbed her purse, went back downstairs, out the back door and called 911. Unfortunately, she lost everything -- the car and the house were totally destroyed. The insurance people haven't been out yet, so we don't know details -- she has a furnished place to stay for the moment, and they have bought her clothes for the time being, so the only thing she needs right now are lots and lots of prayers. There are so many blessings. . . .the car waited until she was NOT in it to catch on fire! She heard it in time and was able to get out! She grabbed her purse, which will save her some chaos! There was no one else in the house for her to worry about or go back in after (Pop passed several years ago and her cat died just a few weeks ago [another sadness she's endured. . ]). Lots of blessings, but still so hard to let go of ALL your human possessions -- and 83 years is a long time to accumulate memories to watch them all go up in smoke! Please keep her -- and Randy -- and all of the family in your prayers. We are thankful for our blessings, but it has been a difficult week! Thanks for all your positive thoughts and prayers! "Remember where you have been and know where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way." Nikita Koloff

House Update. . .

We have been working hard upstairs -- we had lots of great help last weekend from friends and family, then 2 snowdays -- consequently, we got quite a lot accomplished. So currently, we have the front room completely sheetrocked. The project right now is to get the sheetrock finished and painted -- we were hoping by the end of the weekend, but it's looking like it may be next weekend. We've purchased a closet organizer for the closet in there, got the paint, and have chosen our accent colors. (Thanks to a Home Depot run Thursday night). And of course there are tons of finishing projects to get it ready -- oh, we also bought the flooring -- we're hoping to have the front room finished by the end of the month. . . we'll see.

Additionally, we had lots of help in the south bedroom. . .it is now completely insulated and probably 3/4 sheetrocked. We've got to get more sheetrock before we can continue in there.

We have 3 sections of attic completely insulated, as well, and have inventoried what we have and what we need to furnish the rooms. All we lack is a full-size mattress set.

We're enjoying the progress very much -- thankful for all the help, happy to be as far along, and impatient to get something completely finished so we can sit back and sigh and enjoy the fruits of all the labor that has been donated and spent :~)

Thanks for all the help and all the prayers. . . .

Lunch today. . .

You know, what I love about watching food network is that it makes me think more creatively about my food and meals -- I actually think I eat and cook healthier when I'm in food network mode. So today we had some salad we needed to eat -- lunch was set except that I wanted to make the salad a little more interesting -- didn't really want to grill chicken, had no sandwich meat in the frig. . . did have some leftover chili, but not very much, and a piece of cornbread. . . .so. . . .I filled 2 platters with a beautiful tossed salad, served a small ramekin of chili alongisde, split the cornbread, drizzled butter over it and toasted it, served the salad with a sun-dried tomato dressing, and can I just say YUMMO?!?!?!?!? It really was quite delicious -- our very own soup and salad lunch -- all leftovers, all scrumptious, and beautiful to boot!!!!!!!!! Rock on food network -- thanks for enriching my life

BTW, if you've never tried freshly grated nutmeg, you're missing out on one of the simple pleasures of life -- another food network (Rachael Ray) inspiration -- 99 cents at World Market will get you a pouch of several nutmeg nuts(?). You can use a little hand grater. . .awesome!

So, go get cooking! what are you waiting for????